


all at once (you're all i want)

by sentientaltype



Category: Survivor (US TV) RPF
Genre: F/F, i couldn't not write this, i don't check spoilers so the rest is all me, michele is a challenge beast as she should be, parvati is brooding all the time, pre-merge is accurate through day 16, these two grabbed me by the neck and sat me down in front of my laptop
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-30
Updated: 2020-03-31
Packaged: 2021-03-01 05:08:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 23,787
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23399728
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sentientaltype/pseuds/sentientaltype
Summary: Parvati and Michele in Winners at War, over and under and all the way through.title is from "king of my heart" by taylor swift.rated M for sexual content.
Relationships: Michele Fitzgerald/Parvati Shallow
Comments: 33
Kudos: 37





	1. pre-merge

**Author's Note:**

> this got so long that i had to separate it into three parts, of which this is the first. 
> 
> sidebar: the contents of this story are purely fictional, and i mean no disrespect to the people involved, just having a bit of fun.
> 
> hope you enjoy!

For Michele, it all began with water. 

The ocean was choppy that morning, crests of white water crashing on rubber as the rib boat carrying the women sped through the water. The ride was less than smooth, and just as the island came into view, a massive wave clipped the boat port-side, splashing Michele with a helping of saltwater. 

The ocean spray served as Michele’s alarm clock, waking her up for day one of  _ Survivor _ .  _ Maybe I should’ve just stayed home,  _ she thought. Clearly, Fiji was already against her. She reached up to wipe her face, glancing around at the other women on the boat. 

She hadn’t seen much pregaming at Ponderosa. There were always those people who smiled and nodded at everyone they saw, but everyone seemed to be more concerned with which ten men would be joining them once they hit the beach. 

But in broad, tropical daylight, Michele got a good look at everyone. Of the nine, Michele had met three: Natalie, Denise and Sarah. She’d spoken to several others, and had chatted pregame with a few of the guys, but being on this boat was intimidating. If they were to be divided by gender, Michele wouldn’t know where she stood. 

The rib boat slowed, the loud crackling of the engine lowering to a somewhat-tolerable level.   
Michele dragged her eyes across everyone. Natalie, Kim and Denise looked strong. She could see a fire in Sarah’s eyes that made her want to steer clear. Sandra gripped the boat tightly but bore a massive grin, to diminish her nervous appearance. Amber smiled, gazing out onto the sea, as though she had no idea what she was in for. Michele got no read on Sophie or Danni, faces stoic and arms crossed. 

Just across from her, on the other side of the driver’s cabin, Parvati clutched the pole which housed the steering wheel, knuckles white around the metal. She stood up tall, shoulders drawn back in a way that made Michele sit up straighter. 

Michele studied Parvati’s expression as the boat prepared to ride up on the sand, to drop them off on the island where the game awaited them. She watched Parvati’s jaw clench, bracing herself for the rocking of the boat. 

The driver shouted for them to get out of the boat into the knee-deep water, and the women at the front began hopping over. 

As if feeling someone’s attention on her, Parvati turned and locked eyes with Michele. 

She was taken aback at the stark blueness, deep and rivaling the finest aquamarine. She found Parvati’s gaze heavy and scrutinizing, like she was peeling back layers of Michele to reveal the truths within her. 

She had always been a huge fan of Parvati. Hell, she considered her a  _ Survivor  _ idol at one point. Walking into Ponderosa and seeing Parvati reading a book in the dining room made Michele’s stomach churn with excitement and nervousness all at once. Michele had seen the announcements about Parvati’s baby, who couldn’t have been older than a year. She was surprised that Parvati would leave her, but pleasantly so. 

Parvati stared at her intently as she prepared to step over the side. She slung one foot over and descended, taking one last look at Michele with her lips pulled into a warm smile. 

Michele mirrored Parvati’s moments, stepping out of the boat and following the crowd up to the line. 

She had a feeling it wouldn’t be men versus women, and she was right. Michele unwrapped a blue buff with her name on it and smiled as she watched her tribe shake out. Parvati, Rob, Natalie and Jeremy made their way to the blue mat along with her. Adam was there, who Michele knew, and Ben, along with Danni, Denise and Ethan. 

_ Sele.  _ Her new tribe. Michele smiled under the noontime sun. 

Hugs and introductions didn’t last long before Jeff spoke to them again, but Michele burned the feeling of Parvati’s arms around her into her brain.

Michele had felt a seed of nervousness on the boat, but as Jeff began rattling off the twists and changes of the season, the seed grew into a well-rooted sapling of apprehension.  _ Fire tokens, the Edge of Extinction, an immediate immunity challenge.  _ Michele was convinced production was trying to kill her. 

They walked through the challenge, a water-based showdown, and Michele found herself humored by the thought of the oceans of Fiji holding her fate within their grasp on the first day of the game.  _ After the foot we got off on earlier.  _

Michele watched the challenge unfold, the current pushing against her tribemates as they fought against strong matchups by Dakal. She watched her tribe lose round after round until they had officially booked themselves a ticket to Tribal Council. 

Her stomach was in knots as they regrouped to talk to Jeff. 

“Sele, you will not be going to Tribal tonight,” Jeff said. “You’ll have today and tomorrow to prepare, and I will see you at Tribal  _ tomorrow  _ night.” Michele exhaled. She was grateful for the extra time. “Here’s your map, head to camp, see you tomorrow at Tribal.” 

***

As it turned out, coming to camp for the first time knowing Tribal Council was looming created swaths of negative energy. The chumminess of getting to know everyone on Day 1 was gone, and Michele found herself mentally scrambling. She stuck close to Natalie and Jeremy, gathering wood and bamboo with them. 

The day slipped away quickly, and by the time the sun had set, Sele’s shelter looked as unappealing as ever. Someone suggested they lay extra palm fronds around the fire and sleep on the floor for the night, and once Michele lay down and found it was quite comfortable on the sand, she knew this would likely become a permanent arrangement, especially if they lost more challenges. 

Michele was settling into her makeshift bed, darkness surrounding Sele’s camp, when she heard rustling near her head. Michele jerked up, only to find a shadow laying a palm frond down a foot away. 

“Sorry, didn’t mean to scare you,” a voice whispered, and Michele recognized it immediately. “Is it cool if I set up shop here?”

Michele nodded. Never in her life would she have imagined sleeping in the sand next to Parvati Shallow on an all-winners season of  _ Survivor.  _ And yet, here she was. 

In the shadows, Parvati dragged her palm fronds to lay parallel to Michele’s, between her and the fire. She lay down in the bed, facing the inside of the circle. 

Michele lifted her head into her hand, propped up on an elbow, and observed the cultish circle her tribe had formed around the fire. Not long after, her gaze shifted to the woman laying in front of her, features illuminated by the embers. 

She studied the slope of Parvati’s nose, the crease in her bottom lip, the worry lines on her brow. In sleep, she looked peaceful. 

Michele flopped back down into the sand, looking up to stars until she finally drifted off to sleep. 

She woke to the sound of birds and the smell of smoke. As she came to, Michele heard sizzling and scraping sounds. 

“Morning,” someone approached her. She sat up to find Jeremy holding a coconut shell filled with rice, along with a bamboo stick to use as a spoon. 

“Thanks,” she smiled and took the items. 

Jeremy sat down on a log next to Michele’s belongings, which wasn’t there when she went to bed. 

Michele watched her tribemates, some gathering wood, others washing clothes by the water, while Rob and Ethan tried their best to salvage their mess of a shelter. 

“So what’s the word on the street, then?” Michele asked.

“Adam or Denise, I think,” Jeremy replied. “Because of their little disappearing act yesterday.”

Michele frowned. She didn’t want to lose Adam this early, but Michele was determined to fall into a majority early and cruise through the pre-merge. 

“I’m good with that,” Michele said, finishing up her rice as Natalie, Parvati and Danni returned from the waterfront.

“You guys wanna talk at the well?” Nat asked the pair, and Jeremy stood up in response. Michele followed and the five of them headed to the water well, where they met up with Rob. 

Twenty deliberative minutes later, the group had no consensus. 

Adam and Denise’s names swirled around for what felt like eternity, and Michele watched Parvati and Rob grow frustrated at the same pace as her. 

Eventually, they seemed to settle on Adam, and a few people stayed back to actually collect water, while Michele headed down to the beach. 

She left her clothes on a rock by the treeline before slowly wading into the crystal blue water, letting it cool her warm skin. Michele watched Natalie approach the beach and she gave the New Jersey resident a wave.

Natalie joined her in the water and they chatted about nothing for quite a while, sharing favorite spots in Hoboken and stories about the last train home from Manhattan. 

As the sun began to kiss the horizon, Michele prepared to leave for Tribal Council. 

“We’re all set on Adam?” Natalie asked as she approached Michele, raking her fingers through her hair. 

Michele shook her head. “Denise now.”

“Seriously?” Nat seemed surprised, which gave Michele an uneasy feeling.  _ Why didn’t she know _ ?

Before she got the chance to press Natalie further, producers ordered them to walk down the beach to their boat. 

Michele’s stomach flip-flopped the entire way to Tribal Council. The set was exquisite, canons and war relics surrounding them as they sat down in front of Jeff. The voting booth was elevated, completely concealed above its staircase. 

The discussions between her tribemates seemed cut and dry to Michele, but she had a horrible feeling she wasn’t in on the right plan. She knew she should have hustled more, worked her social game, but Michele was too consumed by the turmoil in her mind, the shock of being back out here again, with a bunch of winners esteemed much higher than she. 

And sure enough, the votes came out, sending Natalie to the Edge. Her closest ally, standing before Jeff getting her torch snuffed. 

Michele looked at Jeremy, whose expression gave nothing away. She turned, bewildered, and met Parvati’s eyes with a scowl.  _ She didn’t warn me.  _

The tribe grabbed their torches and began their walk to the boat, and Michele walked on unsteady legs back to camp. 

***

When Michele’s eyes peeled open, dawn was just breaking on Sele’s beach. She sat up and attempted to smooth her hair out, eventually resorting to throwing it up in a messy bun and folding her buff to form a headband. 

Looking around, Michele found all of her tribemates still sleeping. She stepped over Parvati’s legs and grabbed the pot next to the fire before taking it down to the water. 

She kneeled down in the sand, brisk water lapping over her thighs as she rinsed the pot and began using a stick to scrape burnt rice off the bottom. Michele let her mind naturally settle into game mode, thinking through her options. She knew she’d be working with Jeremy going forward, since they were both on the wrong side of the votes, and Michele was sure there would still be avenues to work with Adam and Denise, and maybe even Ben. 

Around camp, Rob and Parvati had made it clear they were a twosome, and Ethan seemed to be close with them as well. Michele noted the possibility of a small, old-school faction forming within their tribe. 

As she continued to scrub, sun rising and beginning to shine in her eyes, Michele heard footsteps behind her. When she turned, Michele saw Parvati approaching her with an armful of clothes, clad in seemingly nothing but her scarf that she’d converted to a sarong. 

“Good morning,” Parvati said as she sat down next to Michele, a few feet away. 

Michele didn’t look up, instead scraping at the pot with increased vigor. 

“You’re pissed at me,” Parvati deduced. “I get it. You have every right to be.” Parvati began dunking clothing items in the ocean one by one.

“Why couldn’t you have just let me know?” Michele let her scraping stick drop in the pot, craning her neck to look at the older woman. “Now I look like an idiot.”

“I’m sorry,” Parvati said, brows upturned. “The day went so fast yesterday, I was more focused on myself. And Rob thought you might tell Nat.”

“Why would I?” Michele huffed, exasperated. “It was the first vote. Over anything else, I wanted to be in the majority.” Michele knew Parvati wasn’t to blame for her position within the tribe, but she couldn’t deny that it felt good to take her frustration out on someone else. 

Maybe deep down, part of Michele wanted to see Parvati squirm. 

“I know,” Parvati replied, wringing out her yellow jumpsuit. “I promise I’ll tell you what’s up next time. As long as you do, too.”

“Of course.” Michele set the pot down behind her and unfolded her legs. “What do you think happens next? If we lose again?”

“Honestly, I’ll be worried for myself,” Parvati replied. The brightness in her eyes dimmed. “I’m just waiting for you new-schoolers to come together and pick us oldies off.”

Michele wanted to laugh, but the thought of losing Parvati, even on Day 3, was enough to take all the humor out of the words. 

“Well, if that happens, I’ll let you know,” Michele said. 

Parvati smiled just enough to crease the skin around her eyes, and Michele realized the  _ Micronesia  _ winner’s real smiles would always meet her eyes. 

“You better.”

This time, Michele did laugh, and so did Parvati. The New Jersey native felt Parvati’s charm, rolling off of her in waves, and she felt it intoxicate her. 

After coming together for lunch, Michele watched the tribe begin to fragment again, pairs and trios heading off in different directions. A few people stayed at camp, Ben stoking the fire while Parvati came back with her arms full of wood. 

While Michele boiled water and filled canteens, she watched Parvati buzz around camp like the world’s most social bumblebee. She worked hard, constantly doing something while cracking jokes with whoever was nearby. Every once in a while, Parvati would look her way, and Michele would look up instinctively, feeling watched. 

She could tell, though, that there was something more to Parvati than she wanted people to know. She had come back after ten years and fell right back into that “social butterfly” role, charm oozing from her pores, but Michele noticed that crows feet didn’t bloom from her temples most times she smiled.  _ Maybe that had something to do with me,  _ Michele wondered, but squashed the thought before it could snowball. 

In the evening, she helped Rob set up a ring-toss game on a tree near their camp. They stood together, along with Ethan, tossing the ring over and over, trying to get a feel for how it swung and how to hook it. Not long after its construction, Parvati approached Michele and the guys, just to observe.

Michele’s turn rolled around, and she once again felt watched. Michele looked up to find Parvati smiling encouragingly, and she focused on the ring and the peg a few feet away. Michele swung the ring and landed it perfectly on the peg, the first person to get it hooked. Rob and Ethan erupted in cheers and patted her on the back, while Parvati clapped as she stalked over to where Michele stood.

“Nice one,” she said, a crooked smirk on her face. Parvati wrapped both arms around Michele’s shoulders, and she immediately closed the gap between their bodies. 

When they separated, Michele caught a glimpse of indecipherable emotion in Parvati’s cerulean eyes. It was then that Michele knew she would do anything to play this game with Parvati. 

***

“So we’re sleeping in our tent, right? And all of a sudden, my wife starts squirming around,” Ben recounted, hands gesturing as he spoke. “Then she shoots up and screams ‘There’s a snake!’ And whad’ya know? A three-foot garter, in our tent.”

“Oh my God, I would’ve collapsed,” Michele replied, back leaning against a palm tree that jutted out over their beach. “I am terrified of snakes. Bugs and shit, I can handle. Snakes? Hell no.”

In the shallow waters before them, Parvati scoured the corals with a Hawaiian sling, trying to snag a few fish. She hadn’t been out long, but she smiled at Michele as she walked down, asking her to keep an eye out for sharks. 

Michele had been watching the waters intently as Ben told countless camping and hunting stories. She found him fascinating, in the way a child would find an exhibit at their local museum. 

She hadn’t been searching for sharks, instead keeping her gaze trained on Parvati as she moved gracefully through the water. After all this time, she was still an amazing swimmer. 

Michele’s eye was sharp, because she immediately noticed when Parvati returned from a dive with her spear held high above her head.

“Michele!” she shouted, voice barely audible over the distance and the crashing waves. 

But Michele heard her. 

She stood up and ran out to the water, toes sinking into white sand as she watched Parvati come closer. 

She had been diving in the shallow coral bed that covered the majority of their beach, so Parvati was soon able to stand as she approached. 

As soon as Michele noticed the large octopus writhing on the spear, she ran out to help remove it.

“Wow! Nice catch, Parv,” Ben shouted from the beach.

The two women locked eyes and burst out laughing, feeling the same way about the man yelling out.

“Thank you, Benjamin,” Parvati called back. 

Michele felt a shiver run down her spine upon hearing the sugary drawl that Parvati coated her words in. She found consolation in the fact that many before her had fallen victim to Parvati’s flirtatious wiles. She would not be the first, and probably not the last either. 

“Here,” Parvati said, and handed Michele a single-prong attachment for the spear. “Take it back up to camp on this, I’m gonna head back out for a little.”

“Are you sure?” Michele asked, studying Parvati’s face. Fijian dusk basked the whole camp in orange light, which made the droplets on Parvati’s face glow like gold. Her face bore a beautiful smile, one Michele didn’t think she’d be forgetting about anytime soon. “It’s- uh, it’s getting late.”

“I’ll be fine,” Parvati replied, gently touching Michele’s forearm. “I’m a big girl. I can handle myself in the big, bad ocean.”

Michele rolled her eyes. Tyson was known as the sassiest one out there, but Parvati had a tone to match. “Whatever you say,” Michele said with a shrug, but her smile gave away the falseness of her indifference. She and Parvati lifted the octopus off the spear and onto the other prong, and Michele broke into a sprint back up to camp, wielding the fresh catch. 

“Hey, woah!” Jeremy cried as Michele ran up and dropped the octopus in the pot by the fire. “You caught that?”

Michele shook her head. “Parv did.”

Several other tribe members approached to see what all the commotion was about. 

“An octopus, nice!” Denise said, peering into the pot. “Michele, wanna help me cook it?”

“Sure,” Michele said and kneeled down by the pot while Denise retrieved the flat rock they had been using as a cutting board. 

Not long after they began cooking the octopus, Parvati returned to camp with three fish on a loop of rope. “You guys mind if I add these to your octopus dish?”

Michele smiled wide as her tribe shrieked and thanked Parvati over and over. She could tell, though, that Parvati’s mind was somewhere else. 

Parvati handed the fish off to Ben, who began gutting them and cutting them up. She walked away from camp to hang up her wet clothes, returning just as the food finished cooking. She had ripped a strip of her jumpsuit off and turned it into a headband, wrapped tightly over her hairline to tame the volume. Parvati looked at the space next to Michele, silently asking for permission, and Michele patted the log as an invitation. 

“Here,” Michele handed Parvati a clam shell filled with rice, octopus and fish. Michele then took her own shell and began eating, while others broke out into conversation about favorite sushi dishes and weirdest foods ever tried. Michele found some of it funny, but every time she glanced at Parvati, the older woman seemed to be somewhere far away. 

“You okay?” Michele asked quietly, placing a hand on Parvati’s knee.

Parvati flinched, whipping her head around to face Michele. “Yeah, fine. Just worn out from fishing.”

“I told you not to go for so long,” Michele admonished lightly. In her mind, she was humoring Parvati, because somehow Michele was sure Parvati was lying to her. 

“I should listen to you more often,” Parvati said with a nod and one of

those smiles Michele has come to actively wish for, one that says  _ I am so happy to be looking at your face right now.  _

Maybe Parvati  _ was  _ happy to be looking at her. Happy to be talking to her, working with her. Michele hoped she was, because she found herself increasingly content in Parvati’s company.

“What can I say?” Michele replied with a nudge to Parvati’s side. “I am always right.”

***

When Sele lost again, the third challenge of the season, Michele found herself conspicuously  _ not  _ worried. The old-school faction she had hypothesized about actually did come to fruition, but it was quickly fracturing under the weight of Danni’s paranoia. 

When they returned to camp, an hour long standoff occured around the fire, no one wanting to be the first to walk off. As soon as Jeremy and Ben left to get water, though, the tribe erupted in chaos. 

Michele felt herself be pulled all across the island, by old schoolers and new players alike. Danni had dug herself into a deep grave, telling Rob — Parvati’s closest ally — that she wanted Parvati out. Several people had urged her to vote for Danni, which she was fine with. It would weaken the old school alliance without being a death sentence for Parvati. 

Unfortunately, Adam had other ideas. 

Michele always viewed Adam as overeager, and in-game Adam was no different. He pressed Jeremy and Michele on the subject of flipping the vote to Parvati due to her being a genuine threat, but Michele countered with a meat-shield argument, which was enough to win Jeremy over. Outnumbered, Adam was forced to concede, agreeing it would be unwise to rock the boat so early in the game. 

Michele stood by the ring toss alone, practicing her launch, when Parvati leaned against the tree which housed the peg. 

“What’s the word, bird?” Parvati asked, chewing on her bottom lip.

Michele could tell she was nervous. “Everyone’s voting Danni.”

“Except Danni,” Parvati surmised with a chuckle, “who’s voting for me.”

“No one else is, as far as I know,” Michele replied, attempting to calm the woman in front of her as she took another shot at the peg, swinging just shy of Parvati’s elbow. “Adam has your name in his mouth, though. I convinced him it was too early.”

“Is this how it’s gonna be?” Parvati frowned. “Us on opposite sides of the trenches, whispering war secrets when no one’s looking?” In crisp blue eyes, sadness seemed to spill out. 

“That’s not how I want it,” Michele replied. “But I don’t know what else to do right now.”

Parvati took a few steps forward. “No, no, it’s not your fault. That’s just the way it is.”

Michele just nodded, tossing the ring again, bamboo just clipping off the peg. 

“I need Danni out to keep myself safe, and yet this vote will weaken me,” Parvati said. “We’ll come back to camp and this old school versus new school crap will be solidified by the vote, and Rob and Ethan and I will be on the bottom.”

“You don’t know that,” Michele countered, even though she knew Parvati’s words were likely true.

“Yes, I do.” A heaving sigh. “And so do you.”

Michele said nothing. What was there to say? She didn’t want to lie, but she didn’t want to think about Parvati’s future in the game growing dimmer by the hour. Instead, she launched the ring, hooking it perfectly on the peg. 

***

Of all the times Michele has been right about things, this was one of those times where all she wanted was to be wrong. 

Adam just  _ had  _ to go and target Parvati again, immediately after Danni was booted for orchestrating the same move. He played double agent to Rob, who immediately snitched to Michele and Jeremy. 

Jeremy was becoming one of Michele’s best confidants on Sele. They both had similar plans for their gameplay this season: staying low profile by using meat-shields and avoiding power positions within their alliances. 

So when the opportunity to further weaken their tribe’s big threats while simultaneously keeping them around arose, Michele saw no choice but to take it.

She would rather have had Adam go home, so as not to vote against Parvati, but Jeremy and the other new schoolers insisted on weakening “The Robfather.”

At Tribal Council, Michele’s stomach clenched with guilt. She had to look away from Ethan’s distraught expression as he stood to grab his torch. Michele’s neck felt hot, a sweat breaking out onto her brow. She looked to her right and found herself on the receiving end of Parvati’s embittered glare. 

Upon returning to camp, Parvati was silent, breaking off to talk to Rob on the beach. 

Michele sat down by the fire, legs crossed, and waited for her return. 

After most of the tribe had gone to sleep, Parvati and Rob ascended from the bank. Rob settled into bed while Parvati added a few logs to the fire, under Michele’s watchful gaze. 

She finally settled onto her palm frond cross-legged, knees almost touching Michele’s.

“Now I’m the one who’s sorry,” Michele said, voice falling to a low whisper. “I hope you believe me when I say I tried everything.”

“I do,” Parvati replied, eyes downcast. “I believe you, I just… I don’t know. It’s just hard. I feel like I’m playing on borrowed time.”

Michele’s heart clenched. She hated seeing Parvati suffer like this, wracked with inner turmoil and frustration. 

“Let’s pray for a swap,” Michele said, trying to get a smile out of the older woman. 

Parvati’s lip quirked in amusement. “Yeah, I better start letting the Survivor Gods know I need luck on my side.” Parvati uncrossed her legs and lay herself out on the palm frond, tucking her bag under her head. 

Michele mirrored her movements, keeping her head up in one hand. 

“Goodnight, Parv,” she whispered into the darkness. 

“Goodnight, Meesh.”

***

The feeling in Michele’s body when Sele finally won a challenge — thanks to her work on the puzzle, no less —was indescribable. She turned back to her tribe, who were all embracing each other in a frantic tangle of limbs. When the dust settled, Michele felt a pair of arms snake around her torso from behind, a familiar voice in her ear. 

“You’re my hero,” Parvati whispered, making Michele giggle. 

At camp, with their new chickens, Sele celebrated. They decided to eat the rooster immediately, Ben and Jeremy taking him away from camp to do the honors. 

Michele and Denise cooked up some chicken rice and they dined around the fire, morale higher than it had ever been. Michele was on the cusp of volunteering to wash the dishes when she felt a hand on her shoulder. 

“Wanna walk with me?” Parvati asked. 

The sun was just beginning to set, and there was no way Michele could say no to one-on-one time with Parvati. She nodded, and Parvati wordlessly took her hand and began leading her down the beach. 

They walked in silence, up a hill a ways from camp, coming up to an overhang that looked out upon the vast oceans and neighboring islands.

“Wow,” Michele breathed out as they reached the top. “How’d you find this?” Michele followed Parvati closer to the edge of the cliff, watching the light breeze blow through her hair. 

“I was looking for a good spot to see the sunrise while I did yoga,” Parvati responded, sitting down with her legs dangling over the edge. “And I found this neat little spot.”

“It’s beautiful,” Michele said as she sat next to Parvati and watched the setting sun light up the sky with streams of pink and orange. It didn’t take long for Michele to focus her attention on Parvati’s face, memorizing the freckle below her eye, the slight dent in the bridge of her nose, the way she combed her hands through her hair. 

Parvati leaned back on her hands, drawing Michele’s attention to them.

She had noticed it before, but couldn’t help herself from asking.

“You don’t wear a ring,” Michele observed.

Parvati tensed. “No, I don’t.”

Michele stayed silent, letting Parvati decide if she wanted to elaborate. The last thing she wanted to do was upset Parvati with her nosiness. She couldn’t stop thinking about it, though, and hadn’t since she’d noticed on their first day in the game.

“I got divorced,” Parvati said, head turning to gauge Michele’s reaction. “He was cheating on me. Through the whole pregnancy, after our daughter was born, while I struggled as a new mom. I found out, and I left him.” 

Michele didn’t dare move, as if Parvati was a terrified doe, not wanting to scare her off. Finally, she spoke. “Parv, that’s awful. I’m so sorry.” Clearly, John Fincher had no sense.

“And then he had the nerve to try to fight me for custody of our daughter,” Parvati continued, anger blooming in her tone. “I suggested he give that fight up quickly. It wouldn’t have ended well for him.”

Michele imagined Parvati tearing into her ex in a courtroom custody battle, asserting her love for her child and highlighting her ex-husband’s distasteful actions. 

“Leaving Ema was the hardest thing I’ve ever done, by far.” Tears welled up in Parvati’s eyes. “Knowing it’s just her and I now, and I’m out here about to get picked off? It’s- I’m-”

Michele wrapped one arm around Parvati’s shoulder and took Parvati’s hand in hers. “It’s okay,” Michele said calmly. “Everything is okay.”

“I just- I feel so alone out here,” Parvati said, a small sob wracking her body. 

“You’re not alone,” Michele replied immediately, turning to hold Parvati close to her chest. “I’m here, Parv. It’s okay.”

Parvati clung to Michele for dear life, crying softly over her shoulder. 

Finally, after the sun had disappeared below the horizon, Parvati’s grip on Michele loosened. 

“They’re gonna think we died,” Parvati said with a chuckle, wiping her eyes with her buff. “We should get back.”

Michele rose, extending a hand for Parvati to grab onto. She watched as Parvati stood, and decided that Parvati was more attractive after twenty minutes of crying than anyone she’d ever seen. The thought made Michele’s heart beat a little faster, and as they walked back to camp, Michele felt completely at Parvati’s mercy.

And she didn’t mind at all. 

***

When Michele woke up on Day 12, she felt something different in the humid air. 

They got treemail, notifying them of a challenge, but the note was vague and didn’t signify reward or immunity. As the tribe got ready to leave, Parvati approached Michele. 

“Take everything with you, Meesh,” Parvati suggested.

“You thinking what I’m thinking?” Michele replied, slinging her bag over her shoulder and beginning the walk down the beach alongside Parvati.

“I’m thinking that note was cryptic as hell,” she said. “And we’re down to fifteen.”

“Perfect time for a tribe swap,” Michele concurred. 

When they came face to face with Jeff, Michele held her breath. 

“Everybody, drop your buffs.” 

The players erupted in groans, begrudgingly tugging their buffs off and awaiting their randomized fate. 

Michele felt nerves bubble up in her stomach, but they quickly settled when Parvati looked at her and smiled encouragingly. She found it hard to be fearful when someone so legendary in the game of  _ Survivor  _ was cheering her on. 

She closed her eyes and reached for a wrapped buff, opening to watch Parvati do the same thing, refusing to look at the tray. 

Jeff counted down, and Michele unwrapped her buff alongside everyone else. 

Blue. 

She turned her head just in time to see the covering fall away from Parvati’s buff, the same blue they’d both been wearing. 

Parvati looked up and saw Michele’s buff in her hand, a massive grin breaking out as she threw herself into Michele’s arms. 

Their hug was tight and giggly and charged with emotion. Michele felt her heart grow three sizes, threatening to burst inside her chest cavity. 

The high dissipated as soon as it came when Michele realized they were outnumbered by Dakal: Yul, Nick, and…

_ Oh, God.  _ Michele’s stomach dropped.

Wendell held a blue buff in his hand, and approached the matching mat with visible unease. 

Everyone greeted each other with hugs and introductions, and when Wendell turned to Michele, he hugged her mechanically and silently. 

Parvati seemed to notice the tension. During the entire boat ride back to camp, Parvati’s eyes never left Michele.

Concern dripped from her gaze, and Michele struggled to let her know she was okay. Perhaps because she  _ wasn’t  _ okay, perhaps due to the lockdown. 

The early banter at camp surrounded Sele’s tragic shelter that never ended up getting used, as Michele predicted. Wendell huffed about having to fix it, and Michele found herself laughing and joking with him in an attempt to diffuse the tension. 

Wendell was about as receptive as a brick wall. 

She found herself growing more and more upset as she watched Wendell behave similarly towards Parvati, though with less attitude. 

“Hey, do a coconut walk with me?” Parvati said as Michele filled her canteen with water. 

They slipped out of camp and began a slow stroll down the beach, until they reached Michele’s favorite palm tree. 

“Let’s talk, baby,” Parvati said and took a seat against the curving trunk. 

Michele felt weak in the knees. She swallowed hard, trying to tuck the pet name away in her brain and ignore it for as long as possible. Fortunately, she had other things on her mind. Michele sat down and drew her knees up to her chest.

“So, what’s the deal with you and Wendell?” 

“We dated,” Michele sighed, resting her forehead against her palm. “It was a pretty bad breakup. He told me we were exclusive, but I found him in bed with another girl.”

Parvati scowled. “What the fuck?” She dug her hands into the sand beside her. “How long did you guys date for?”

“Like, five months,” Michele replied with a shrug of her shoulders. “I was hoping he wouldn’t be here, even though I kind of knew he would. I thought we could have some sort of working relationship, but clearly…”

“Hey, it’s still early,” Parvati countered, resting a hand overtop of Michele’s. “I played with Yul way back when, and Nick seems like a pretty flexible guy. We’re down, but we are  _ not  _ out.”

Parvati’s tone was sincere and inspiring, words spoken the way a coach would direct their team, and Michele found herself trusting it wholeheartedly. 

“Man, what is it with men cheating on us?” Parvati continued. “We’re too hot for that shit. And fuck Wendell,” she added with a smile. “I’ll protect you from him.”

Michele smiled back, equally as wide, and she  _ knew  _ it was a joke, that Parvati was naturally flirty, but she couldn’t help but tuck the line away in her “Parvati Crush” file. 

“We’re gonna go into this next challenge and just go fucking nuts, Meesh. Wipe the floor with those other bitches.”

“They got nothing on us,” Michele added. 

“That’s right,” Parvati said before standing up. “Now come on, let’s find some coconuts and watch those boys fix our crappy shelter.”

The boys actually fixed it up nicely, and by the time night crept over the island, the shelter was habitable and ready to be slept in.

Wendell plopped himself right in the middle, with Yul and Nick to his right. 

As Parvati walked away from the tree where she and Michele hung their clothes, she claimed the spot next to Wendell, leaving the end for Michele. 

Michele was the last to lay down, and instinctively faced away from Parvati. Moments after settling on the shelter, she felt an arm drape across her torso, a warm body pressing against her back.

She gasped. Parvati had never been  _ this  _ close; Michele could feel her breath against the skin of her neck, which became littered with goosebumps. She focused on drawing in deep breaths, lying perfectly still so that Parvati would never let go of her. 

Every time Michele tried to close her eyes, her mind wandered to the woman behind her. At some point in the night, Wendell shifted closer to Parvati, who instinctively clutched Michele tighter and scooter impossibly closer to the younger woman. 

The cool breeze helped to stave off the heat Michele felt on her brow, eventually lulling her to sleep in Parvati’s arms. 

The next morning, at the immunity challenge, Parvati was uncharacteristically bossy with Wendell on the puzzle, ordering him around and scolding him when he ignored her. The strategy paid off, though, as the new Sele tribe came in first place. 

Michele reveled in the smile on Parvati’s face after lifting them to the win. She looked so purely happy, safe from the corrupting paranoia brought on by strategic talk. In the moment, Parvati was free to be unabashedly content in their tribe’s success, and Michele clung to her tightly until she went to retrieve the idol from Jeff. The two of them were safe for another few days, and Michele was ecstatic to be able to spend a couple more days with Parvati. 

***

As the days passed, the new Sele fivesome became a well-oiled machine around camp, each person carrying out their role. Parvati became the designated fisher, spending the hours where the water was calm scouring the ocean for food. Nick collected firewood, Yul harvested breadfruit and coconuts, and Wendell busied himself by constructing a leisure area, leaving Michele to tend to the fire. 

She couldn’t complain, because her position at the center of the camp clearing meant that when Parvati returned from the beach, Michele was her first port of call. 

Just as dawn broke on what she thought was Day 16, Michele woke to creaking and the cluck of chickens. When she opened her eyes, the space next to her in the shelter was empty, and she found Parvati bent over the chicken coop, presumably collecting eggs. Michele sat up and wiped the sleep from her eyes, turning to watch the sun come into full view over the choppy water. Dark clouds hovered in the west, threatening to dump the island with rain, but Michele was confident it would blow past them. 

“Morning,” Parvati said as she closed the coop. She held two eggs in her hands, setting them on the bamboo table Wendell built, next to a fish left over from the day before. “We should cook that today, before it goes bad.”

“The fish?” Michele asked, stretching her limbs before sliding out of the shelter and standing up. 

Parvati nodded and grabbed the machete, sitting behind a rock to begin scaling the fish.

Michele could tell something was on her mind. She was uncharacteristically silent, even for the morning. Michele padded across camp to the tree where her floral print pants hung from a branch. She pulled them over her legs before adding more wood to the fire. 

Parvati’s eyes were downcast, laser-focused on the belly of the fish, where she dug out the guts and tossed them into a nearby bush. 

“Something on your mind, P?” Michele asked, keeping her tone mellow. 

Parvati lifted her head, knife stilling in her hand. “In Cambodia, did you ever wake up and just  _ dread  _ the day?” She chopped the fish up into large chunks and gestured towards the pot, which sat next to the fire. “Like, you know it’s going to be a bad day and you just don’t want to play?”

“Yeah, I had days like that,” Michele replied, grabbing the pot and setting it over the fire to heat up. “I had to vote one of my closest allies out, and it hurt like hell. I woke up the next day feeling horrible.”

Parvati stood up and scooped some rice out of the bag. 

“Why is today one of those days, though?” Michele asked.

“Because if we lose, I’m going home tonight,” Parvati stated succinctly. “Do the eggs first, then the rice, and leave the fish for last.”

“We’ll just have to win, then,” Michele replied. Words failed her. She couldn’t lie to Parvati; she had talked pregame with Yul and Nick, and coupled with her pre-existing relationship with Wendell, the vote would be cut and dry if it came to it. 

At the challenge, when Jeff announced that only the first tribe to finish would win immunity, Michele turned to look at Parvati with haste.

She seemed distant, the way she had on the boat before the game and so many times since. Parvati always had something else on her mind. 

This time, Michele guessed they were thinking the same thing.  _ The odds of her being safe tonight are so much lower.  _

Sele sat Michele out of the challenge, which she understood, but there were few things she hated more in  _ Survivor  _ than sitting out of challenges. Michele watched her tribe stay neck-and-neck with Yara, until Wendell’s turn on the table maze rolled around. 

He had always been loudmouthed, but a challenge was no place for cockiness. Sure enough, the moment Wendell spoke, his ball dropped, putting Sele behind, a mistake they would never recover from. 

Now, Tribal Council awaited them, and all Michele could do was watch. 

***

She tried everything.

Wendell wouldn’t budge, growing angry and affronted when Michele suggested she vote for him in order to get Parvati’s fire tokens. 

She tried to work Nick, who seemed at least open to voting for Wendell instead. Michele nearly broke her back convincing him that Wendell was not to be trusted, but she knew it would likely be fruitless. 

Parvati tried just as hard, if not harder, but eventually walked out of camp with a curt “going fishing.”

The pain in Michele’s chest as she walked away was unbearable, driving her out of her seat by the fire. Michele walked into the forest, following the trail Parvati had led her down, up a hill to the cliff she’d watched the sun set from days before. 

At the edge of the cliff, Michele could see for miles. Untouched foliage, white sand beaches, and coral reefs as far as the eye could see. In the distance, Michele made out a tiny speck in the ocean below her.  _ Parvati.  _

She cursed herself for feeling so emotional during a game fundamentally based on doing things that hurt people’s feelings. Michele was disappointed in herself for becoming so attached to Parvati in such a short time, especially knowing that her threat level would likely grow with every passing day. 

She should have known better; she should have protected herself from this kind of pain. Somehow, Michele knew there was nothing she could’ve done to save herself from this heartache. 

When she looked back out at the sea, Parvati’s miniscule figure between the waves was nowhere to be found. For a moment, Michele grew nervous, but she knew there was no way production would let Parvati Shallow drown, especially not before the merge. 

Michele felt tears spring to her eyes at the thought of waking up without Parvati tomorrow, leaving her all alone with the trio of boys who would be voting together tonight. 

“Rice is almost ready,” a voice called, and Michele turned to see Parvati climbing to the top of the hill. “I thought I might find you up here.” 

Michele hastily wiped the stray tears from her cheeks. 

The dusky sun illuminated Parvati’s face to perfection. Drops of water dripped from her hair, which she wrung out before approaching Michele and sitting down next to her, mere inches away. 

“Seems like we have a thing for sunsets,” Parvati noted. 

“Yeah, I guess we do.”

“Were you crying?” Parvati asked, voice soft and velvety. 

Michele imagined falling asleep to the sound of her voice. It would be all too easy. “Uh, yeah.” She drew in a deep breath, unsure of what else to say.  _ Should I tell her why?  _ Michele feared the older woman’s reaction.

“Want to talk about it?” Parvati placed one hand on Michele’s knee. 

Michele shivered. “I was- I don’t want you to go.” She couldn’t help the saltwater welling up in her eyes, biting hard at her bottom lip to trap the sob that threatened to escape from her throat. Despite herculean effort, Michele could do nothing to stop her impending breakdown, letting her head fall into her hands as she cried. 

“Hey, hey, it’s okay,” Parvati soothed, instantly pulling Michele to her chest. “Everything’s gonna be okay. Just breathe. I’m here, it’s okay.”

Michele realized how similar it felt to the other day, on the same hilltop watching the same sunset, though a different woman breaking down in the other’s arms. She focused on Parvati’s voice in her ear, reminding her to breathe and reassuring her. She inhaled slowly through her nose, over and over until she no longer felt a fifty-pound weight on her chest. 

“I w-want to play this game with you,” Michele said quietly.

“I want to play with you too,” Parvati replied immediately, taking Michele’s hands in hers. “It’s gonna be fine. Everything will work out the way it’s supposed to.”

Michele noted that Parvati made no promises about them playing together, because those were promises she couldn’t keep, no matter how hard she tried. 

They didn’t feed each other false hopes, or distract each other with mindless banter. Instead, they chose to watch the sunset. 

Everything rode on Nick at Tribal Council. 

Parvati had her idol nullifier in her bra, but she and Michele both knew it would be useless.

When Nick returned from casting his vote, and Parvati got up to follow, Michele knew. She saw it in his eyes, pale blue mingled with guilt. 

Michele could only think about how his eyes couldn’t hold a candle to Parvati’s. 

“Seventh person voted out of _Survivor: Winners at War_ … Parvati.”

Bile rose in her throat as she watched Parvati stand. Her eyes followed as she walked up to Jeff and placed her torch in the hole.

When Parvati’s fire went out, Michele swore she died a little inside.

But when Parvati turned to look at her, eyes watering, Michele thanked the stars she was sitting down, because she would’ve collapsed had she been standing. 

She saw fear in Parvati’s eyes, mingling with the sadness and frustration, and all she wanted to do was beg Jeff to let her take Parvati’s place. But Michele knew that could never be, so she wished with all her might that Parvati would be safe on the Edge. 

As she left Tribal and got in the boat, and upon their return to camp, only one thing was on Michele’s mind:  _ Get back in, get back in, get back in.  _

***

She woke with swollen eyes. 

Rolling over in the middle of the night — into the shelter space Parvati used to occupy — was all it took to send Michele down to the beach for a few hours, tears dampening the sand. 

She barely got any sleep, maybe fifteen minutes, but slid out of the shelter bright and early regardless. When she dug through her bag to find her med kit, Michele felt a bundle of cloth, tied up with string. 

She didn’t have to open the package to know it contained three fire tokens, bequeathed to her by Parvati. 

If any moisture had been left in her body, Michele would have broken down again, but the previous night had drained her beyond belief. 

Even though she knew what was wrapped up in the cloth, Michele took her bag out of camp and opened them in peace. She added her own token to the pile and wrapped it back up, speeding back to camp.

While she cooked breakfast, Yul and Wendell returned with tree mail.

“Another challenge?” Nick asked. “Already?”

“It’s probably the merge,” Yul replied. “It says we’ll be spectators.”

_ The re-entry challenge _ . Michele had not expected it to be the next day. At least Parvati would be stronger than most of them, having spent the least amount of time eating a handful of rice every day. 

Uneasiness surrounded Michele as the tribe ate and prepared to leave, making sure to collect everything they needed, in case they wouldn’t be returning. 

“Hey, you okay?” Yul asked, sidling up to Michele as she shoved her flip-flops in her bag.

“Yeah,” Michele replied, the lie flowing easily. “Just didn’t get much sleep last night.” She felt no desire to dig into the semantics of her demeanor, when such deductions could be made by a five-year old. Yul knew how close Michele was to Parvati; he could figure things out on his own. 

Yul nodded as the rib boat pulled up to their beach and Sele began their journey to the challenge island. 

When they walked up the beach, Michele counted seven courses.  _ There should be eight. Someone raised the sail.  _

The three tribes lined up on their mats, and gasps filled the air as Dakal and Yara saw Parvati gone, followed by  _ more  _ gasps as Yara and Sele discovered Sandra’s ousting. They stood before Jeff, listening to his wisdom until he announced the merge, and everyone threw their old buffs into the air — like high schoolers at graduation — overcome with elation. 

Michele pulled her new buff over her head, and prepared to roll it into a headband when Jeff spoke again. 

“Come on in, guys!”

And they  _ did  _ come on in, all seven of them, and Michele waited anxiously to find out who left the edge. 

Parvati was last in line, and Michele breathed out a sigh of relief.

She wasn’t surprised that Sandra had quit, and Michele decided that she didn’t really care because the seven castaways were drawing for spots.

The merged tribe barely had time to take their seats on the bench before the challenge began.

Natalie and Rob seemed to have advantages which allowed them to move further up the course to begin, and somehow, Parvati had skipped the first.  _ Maybe she found a fire token between last night and now.  _

Parvati flew through the course, quickly catching up to Natalie while others fell behind. Rob couldn’t throw himself over the rope obstacles with enough fervor, and by the time Parvati and Natalie reached the vertical snake maze, no one else was even close. 

Michele had to hold back a laugh when Tyson tripped on his bundle of rope and fell flat on his face. 

She could barely stand to watch as Natalie and Parvati both began maneuvering their balls along the snake, balancing on a thin beam as they tugged on the handles. 

“Come on, Nat, let’s go,” Jeremy shouted from his seat next to Michele. 

_ Come on, Parv.  _ Michele wanted nothing more than for Parvati’s ball to drop through the snake’s head first, and she wanted to cheer her on. 

The two women remained tied up, and the tribe gasped when Natalie jerked and almost dropped her ball, managing to save it in the nick of time. 

Michele saw a fire in Parvati’s eyes, her utmost focus channeled on the maze. She wanted to scream, or look away, but Michele was frozen. 

Both balls hovered at the top, inching closer and closer to redemption, until one did, a half-second before the other.

Parvati dropped her handles and sank to the ground. 

Michele’s heart shattered as she watched Jeff hand Natalie a buff and announced her return to the game. He told the rest of the Edge residents to head back and await their second opportunity.

This time, Michele couldn’t bear to watch Parvati walk away. She threw her arms around Nat instead, congratulating her. 

“You’ll be living at Sele’s beach,” Jeff told them. “Grab your stuff, head back to camp, enjoy your merge feast.”

Michele knew Parvati would be devastated after coming so close, but her next chance wouldn’t come until the final five. 

Until then, Michele had work to do. 


	2. post-merge

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here's part two :))

  
The feast was one of Michele’s favorite  _ Survivor  _ moments. Thirteen winners breaking bread together before they would embark on a ruthless and cutthroat journey. Michele loved learning about people, and over the table, she had already discovered Sarah’s aptitude for painting, Tony’s jet-skiing hobby, and Sophie’s hidden love for soccer. As conversation slowed, bodies growing heavy and tired from overeating, Michele’s mind wandered to Parvati. How was she faring? Michele was thankful she had Ethan to keep her company; she knew they had been close for a long time. 

In the center of the table laid a plaque with a drawing of the beach and a curling palm tree, one that looked suspiciously familiar to Michele. She turned to look at the beach.  _ I’m willing to bet there’s an idol under that palm tree.  _

Before Michele had a chance to form a plan to search for a potential idol, Natalie was kneeling by her seat, asking if she wanted to go talk. 

Not long after, all hell broke loose.

Pairs and trios split up all over the island, people running from person to person trying to throw out ideas, even though no one wanted to be  _ that guy  _ throwing names out. 

Michele and Natalie met up with Jeremy at the water well, who had Denise in tow. Jeremy proposed teaming up with Kim and Tony, whom he and Denise had become close with on Dakal. She found herself in a good spot that afternoon, everyone coming to her with plans and invitations to alliances. 

Now more than ever, Michele felt the perks of having an extremely small target. Everyone’s name seemed to be coming up to some degree, but she could tell there was no heat on her back.

As the afternoon went on, Michele grew more and more comfortable with the sixsome Jeremy had glued together: herself, Jeremy, Natalie, Denise, Kim and Tony. She was aware that working with Tony long-term was a huge risk, but both Jeremy and Denise had assured her that he was much less volatile this time around, recognizing that he needed to alter his style of play. Michele didn’t quite know what to make of Kim, but she and Jeremy grew close on swapped Dakal, and Michele thought him a good judge of character. 

Her confidence in that alliance grew even more when she approached Adam and Ben, both of whom seemed completely lost in the dust. No counter-alliance had come together out of the seven left, more or less solidifying Michele’s choice. She knew they would still need to pull in one extra person to have the numbers.

Wendell and some of the guys spent the entire next morning creating an addition for the shelter, since nowhere near all thirteen of them could fit. Michele had volunteered to sleep by the fire, like the original Sele tribe had done, Ben and Jeremy joining her. 

The original Dakal members had seemed appalled upon arriving at their new beach, even with all the upgrades from Wendell. Michele couldn’t imagine how they would have reacted a week into the game. 

The first individual immunity challenge was endurance, one Michele had competed in before: a narrow beam to stand on with hand grips behind your head. Michele hated being uncomfortable, and she’d dropped out for food in Cambodia, so she figured she wouldn’t last long. 

Upon placing her arms above her head to start the challenge, Michele felt a sudden urge to  _ win, win everything _ , if not for herself, then for Parvati. She had the fortune to make the merge, and was lucky to be cramping up in the feet and aching in the arms. 

After two hours, Michele was completely numb. Only she, Natalie, and Wendell remained standing. Jeff hadn’t offered food, but most people dropped in less than twenty minutes. 

Luckily, Wendell was all the way to the left, with Natalie and Michele side by side on the right end. 

She tried to focus her mind on something, anything, but every murmur on the bench and squawk of a bird was enough to break Michele’s concentration. She needed a distraction.

“Nat, tell us what the Edge was like,” Michele said, concealing her pain as she spoke. 

“Uh, fucking brutal,” Nat replied with a grunt. “Like this challenge, but constantly.”

Jeff saw their banter as an opportunity to go on a tangent about how the psychological effects of Edge of Extinction are “what  _ Survivor  _ is all about.”

Michele had a few thoughts about that, which she would keep to herself. 

Natalie explained how little food they got, the struggle of catching fish, laborious quests for fire tokens, and each detail made Michele’s blood boil hotter and hotter. 

That was what Parvati was enduring at this very moment. Starvation, harsh winds, loneliness, and exhaustion. She had already been hurting in the game; Michele couldn’t bear to think what she was feeling now. 

Out of the corner of her eye, Michele watched as Wendell’s arm twitched and he slipped off the handle, leaving her and Natalie. 

She tried to decide what to do. She could drop; she didn’t  _ need  _ immunity tonight, but she found herself wanting it. The pain in Michele’s arms had subsided to a numb, tingling feeling, but her feet were on fire.  _ I could go for a little longer, but I don’t know where Natalie is at.  _

Right beside her, Natalie grunted in pain, rolling her neck.

Michele faced forward and set her jaw, turning her head to look out at the ocean. In the distance, she made out another island, and told herself  _ that  _ was the Edge of Extinction. Her gaze locked on the large tree in the center of its beachy peninsula, which really didn’t look much like a tree at all. 

“Fuck!” Natalie exclaimed, and Michele whipped her head around to find Natalie with one foot off the perch. 

“Michele wins first individual immunity!” Jeff shouted with his arms in the air. The bench erupted in cheers and hollers. 

Her heart thrummed with excitement, but as she approached Jeff to receive the necklace, she felt bashful. Natalie hugged her tightly when she returned, and as they returned to camp, Michele only felt pride in herself. 

She met up with Jeremy and Kim back upon their return, and they settled on targeting Adam. By now, Michele had completely abandoned any attempts to work with him. 

She approached Wendell down by the beach, where he was washing a few pairs of shoes.

“So, what’s your plan tonight?” Michele asked him.

“It seems like I’m the swing vote,” Wendell replied with an arrogant grin. “So, I don’t know yet.”

Michele wanted to slap him. “I mean, who do you see yourself working with long-term? Adam and Ben? Sophie and Sarah are playing their asses off.”

“So I should work with you instead?” Wendell scoffed. “How is that any better of a plan?”

“Because you know me,” Michele countered. “You know when I’m lying to you, and you know I’m not  _ going  _ to lie to you.” A lie in itself.

Wendell stayed silent, shaking the water out of a sneaker. Finally, he sighed. “You’ve made some good points. I’m leaning towards voting Adam, but Tony is a huge threat in this game.”

“And as long as Tony is around, we’re protected,” Michele said. “All Adam can do is blow up your game.”

“I’ll let you know what I decide,” Wendell replied curtly.

But he never  _ did  _ let Michele know, which made her increasingly uneasy.

Lockdown before Tribal Council was unbearable. Michele wanted to jump up and down, scream, and cry all at once. Merge votes were often shots from the hip, unceremoniously claiming casualties who were otherwise playing solid games. Copious amounts of nervous energy piled up in Michele’s bloodstream, making her leg bounce when they finally sat down in front of Jeff. 

“We’ll now bring in the members of our Jury,” Jeff said, and the Edge residents began to file in and take their seats on the benches. 

When Michele saw Parvati, her heart sank. 

She looked, to her core, tired. Like all she had done for the past four days was waste away. As she sat down, Michele caught her eye, and Parvati’s eyes crinkled with the width of her smile. It took another moment for Parvati to notice the immunity necklace, but she pumped her fist and silently cheered when she realized. 

Parvati’s presence at Tribal calmed Michele inside and out, leaving a permanent smile on her face, which she made sure to keep small.

The two fledgeling alliances were outside anything Michele would have predicted even yesterday, but here they were, drawing lines in the sand that could last until Day 39. 

Wendell was vague and quiet at Tribal, giving nothing away. 

She was the first to vote. Michele said a silent prayer as she cast her vote for Adam, once again scouring the voting booth for any clues to advantages. She made a mental note to look underneath the palm tree first thing in the morning. 

Six votes for Tony, six for Adam, and multiple jury members’ jaws on the floor. Jeff turned the last vote, and Michele smiled knowingly at Wendell, who nodded his head. 

Adam’s torch was snuffed, and Michele looked on, fully content for the briefest of moments. 

Parvati seemed proud of her, waving as the twelve players left the tribal area.

Michele slept soundly that night, thoughts of Parvati’s smile swirling in her head. She woke early, happy to find everyone else still sleeping, and jogged to the beach with light feet. Michele stopped at the base of the tree and began digging around the roots like a maniac, until her fingers touched tan cloth wrapped in black string. Michele cursed and shoved the idol into her bra, running full-speed down the beach to open it in private. 

_ Congratulations, you have found a Hidden Immunity Idol. _

Michele could barely breathe. She just found her first idol, her first advantage of any kind. A solid majority, an idol, and a few friends on the jury? When it came to this merge, Michele had only one complaint.

***

Ben and Sarah went to the Edge with relative ease. Wendell had won the last two immunity challenges, and Michele grew slightly concerned that she wouldn’t be able to get rid of him. Now ingratiated fully into her alliance —which he and Jeremy had nicknamed the “Forty Seven”—Michele was confronted with how much she truly disliked Wendell. Every time she thought about pushing for his blindside, she heard Parvati’s voice in the back of her head, telling her not to make emotional decisions and to keep a level head. Michele had to trust that eventually, she would get the better of him. 

In her mind, when she thought of an all-winner’s post-merge, Michele didn’t picture a Pagonging of sorts. But here her alliance was, annihilating the opposition systematically.

She knew all it would take was one wrong move to blow this whole thing up, so every step Michele took was cautious, wary of landmines hidden in the sand. 

On challenge days, Michele’s body thrummed with excitement, because even though she hated Tribal Council, it meant getting to see Parvati. Every vote she came out on top of was one vote closer to the final five, where Parvati would have another chance to join her. 

At the final ten, Kim managed to beat Wendell in the pendulum-swinging challenge, which Michele had been the first out of. The movement was too hypnotic, lulling her into a false sense of security, but she was happy to watch Wendell lose from the bench. 

Michele had grown close with Kim since the merge, but Natalie remained her closest ally. She noticed Jeremy “bro-ing out” with Tony and Wendell a lot, which was fine by Michele, because if it did come down to just their alliance in a week’s time, Jeremy would be her first choice to get rid of. To do that, she would have to make sure Natalie was on board, not wanting to risk blindsiding her too and putting emotional bombs on the jury. 

Before coming out to Fiji, Michele had feared that the other castaways wouldn’t respect her win, yet every time it came up, people reassured her that a win is a win and she earned it as much as everyone else. She was thankful for the opportunity to prove herself, and thus far, Michele felt happy with her performance. 

Jeremy and Wendell pushed for Nick to be the next boot, but Michele saw Yul as a bigger threat. He was the only old schooler left in the game, with an incredible strategic mind. He wasn’t in bad shape, either, going out daily to catch fish for the tribe.

“So you’re locked in on Nick, right?” Wendell kneeled down next to Michele as she stoked the fire, preparing to cook a batch of rice. The rest of camp was cleared out, everyone strategizing all over the island. 

“Honestly, I feel like Yul is the bigger threat,” Michele replied, tone unwavering. She knew better than to sound weak around Wendell.  _ The last thing he needs is ammunition.  _

“Not when he’s playing from the bottom,” Wendell argued in a harsh whisper. “Did you not see  _ David vs. Goliath _ ? The minority split-vote Nick pulled off? And the vote steal idol flush right after?”

Michele scoffed. “Yes, I saw  _ David vs. Goliath _ , which you know because we watched most of it together.”  _ Asshole _ , she added to herself. “If you guys wanna do Nick, that’s fine. I’ll go with the group.”

“The group is voting Nick,” Wendell stated.

“Thanks, Captain Obvious.” Michele heard her mother’s voice telling her to be careful about getting her eyes stuck in the back of her head from excessive eye-rolling. 

Wendell opened his mouth to reply but quickly shut it as Sophie and Yul strolled back into camp carrying multiple canteens. 

Michele knew there was no point in pressing further. It would be Nick, she was confident of that, which meant she’d be able to spend most of Tribal studying Parvati’s features. Unless she won, the editors would be less than concerned about her side glances at the jury. 

She had to give it to him; Nick fought tooth and nail all night long, taking every opportunity to beg or barter or grovel, or some combination of all three. 

In the end, it didn’t matter. Michele didn’t feel much as she watched him walk off the set.  _ He gets to be on the Edge with his high school crush.  _ She shoved the thought away as soon as jealousy started to bubble in her stomach. 

Michele lay awake on the end of the shelter, while eight others slept. She had reached the final nine. Really, it was the final ten, because someone would be joining them. She was doing everything she could to lay the framework for Parvati to return, but Michele had no idea what she would do if the  _ Micronesia  _ winner actually  _ did  _ get back in the game. She knew that there was no way she could win sitting next to Parvati, regardless of who was in the third seat. Parv was a legend. Michele was controversial. 

_ Kaôh Rōng  _ haunted her. She had played her best game, albeit timid, but if it was enough to earn her a million dollars, why wouldn’t a jury of winners award that same game? She was hardly the center of attention; Tony and Jeremy were perceived as the leaders, making them huge topics of conversation at Tribal. She wondered if the jury would want an under-the-radar winner to represent  _ Survivor _ ’s biggest milestone. Michele tossed and turned all night, mulling over every possible Final Three, figuring out who she could beat and who needed to go, until streams of sunlight began breaking into camp.

Upon retrieving her bag, Michele experienced serious  _ déja vu.  _ She reached in and felt a piece of parchment that she knew was not her idol, which was buried off a trail. She snuck off towards the well until she was far enough away from camp before pulling the parchment out.

“This advantage has been given to you by someone on the  _ Edge of Extinction _ ,” Michele read aloud. “It is a vote steal advantage, but it will cost you one fire token.”

Michele felt a twinge deep in her soul; she  _ knew  _ who this was from. Someone who knew Michele had several fire tokens, and who believed she would be interested in such an advantage.

Knowing that Parvati would receive a fire token, therefore increasing her chances of getting back in the game, the choice was simple. Michele only wished that she could hand-deliver the token as an excuse to talk to Parvati. Seeing her at Tribal Council, looking increasingly worn, was starting to upset Michele more than it was inspiring her.

Kim won the next reward challenge, taking Michele and Denise to a stunning Fijian waterfall for pizza and brownies. The three of them got on like a house on fire, laughing and joking around all afternoon. 

“So, let’s say we get down to our seven,” Denise said in between bites of pizza. “Who do you guys see as the biggest threats?”

“Jeremy.” Kim didn’t hesitate. “He’s likeable, strong, and probably has advantages.”

“He has a good track record with idols,” Michele added. “It would have to be a blindside.”

“That would be huge,” Denise said. “Maybe too flashy, though?”

“I don’t know about you guys, but I’m ready for a flashy move,” Michele replied. She had been waiting for a chance to assert herself, and perhaps Jeremy at the final seven was the opportunity she’d been waiting for. Michele could see herself winning with Denise, Kim or Natalie at the end beside her. Jeremy and Tony? Not so much.

They returned from the reward with seeds planted, but by the time the next immunity challenge rolled around, things started to change for the glorious Forty Seven. 

Michele won her second immunity by building a puzzle with her feet. Sometimes, she couldn’t believe this was her life: stacking a tower on a Fijian island in 115° heat with her hands behind her back. Michele felt lucky that her sister had forced her to strengthen her core before returning to  _ Survivor. _

But with two immunities under her belt, Michele’s miniscule target began to grow. She and Natalie went to collect firewood after the challenge.

“Jer wants to do Sophie tonight and Yul next,” Natalie said. “But, Meesh…”

“What?” She felt something heavy hanging in the air.

“He said we need to watch out for you,” Natalie divulged. “That this is exactly how you won 32: by winning immunity and laying low.”

“Shit,” Michele muttered, adding another log to the stack tucked under her arm. “So next time I lose, he could come after me.”

Natalie nodded.

She was a bit surprised that Nat was telling her this, but took it as a positive sign, perhaps that Natalie would be willing to take out Jeremy.

“He’s the biggest threat to win right now,” Natalie said.

“I agree, and so do Kim and Denise,” Michele replied. “We talked about it at the reward.” She walked ahead of Natalie, grabbing a few sticks and cracking them to determine dryness. 

“Think they’d be down to shake things up tonight?” 

Michele stopped dead in her tracks, pivoting to face the Cross-Fit trainer. “Are you serious?”

“Deadly. I mean, Jeremy and I are like family, but I know I can’t beat him. This is the best option right now, for both of us.”

Michele agreed wholeheartedly. She made her rounds, filling in Denise and Kim before approaching Sophie and Yul, who were more than willing to shift the focus off themselves. 

She chewed her nails raw in lockdown.

“So, Jeremy, this alliance of seven has been airtight since the merge,” Jeff said to begin Tribal Council, “which would leave just Sophie and Yul on the bottom. Could there be a chance for them to be safe tonight?”

“There’s, uh… There’s no chance, Jeff,” Jeremy replied. “Not to be harsh, but this group is tight. We’d rather sit at the final seven and say we stayed loyal than mix things up right now.”

Michele kept her face neutral, but when she looked up at Parvati, the older woman had one brow raised. She lowered a hand, gesturing for her to  _ just wait and see _ .

As the votes were read, the jury members nearly shot out of their seats. It was the first true blindside of the post-merge, and Jeremy couldn’t close his mouth even as he walked up to Jeff. Michele and Natalie had conspired to gasp and look shocked when the votes came out, and shocked did they look.

“Jeremy, the tribe has spoken.”

“Yeah, damn, they have!” he exclaimed. “Wow. Nat, Michele, good luck.”

Michele snickered as he walked off.  _ He thinks it was the boys.  _

The first thing she did upon returning to camp was high five Natalie, and when she woke, she had another fire token. 

***

Jeremy’s blindside left Tony and Wendell stunned. 

Michele’s biggest fear was that the two of them would go insane and pollute their camp with negative energy, but they were instead scared into submission. They practically swore fealty to the now six-person alliance, planning to target Yul next. 

At the next reward challenge, Michele’s team absolutely decimated the opposition, diving for puzzle pieces and breath-holding under platforms with ease. Michele, Kim, Tony and Wendell were flown by helicopter to a hilltop spa, where they showered, got massages and went for a swim in the large pool out front. 

When they sat down to eat, Michele noticed a large jar of trail mix on her end of the table, and she waited until Wendell and Tony started their cannonball competition to pull it into her lap and dump most of the trail mix into an unused pocket of her bag. Kim was observing a colorful bird in a nearby tree, so Michele set the jar back on the table and continued eating. 

When they returned to camp, Denise and Yul had already started cooking rice, as the sun was beginning to greet the horizon. Michele offered her portion to Natalie before excusing herself and walking the path that had become second nature.

At the top of the overhang, Michele tucked the bundle of trail mix—which she had wrapped in the cloth from her idol—into a nearby bush. She munched on a handful as the sun slipped halfway into the water.

Day 30. Michele had expected to go unnoticed for much of the game, but to reach the final eight was an amazing feeling. Yet somehow, she still felt incomplete. It felt wrong to sit on this hill and admire the sherbet colored sky alone, and she could only hope that she wouldn’t be alone for much longer. 

A day later, Michele woke to Natalie shaking her shoulder, telling her to get up and meet her at the well before running off.

When she arrived, Natalie pulled a gold idol nullifier out of her bag, probably the same one Parvati received on Sele that she couldn’t use.

“It’s from the Edge,” Natalie explained. “Should I buy it?”

“For one token?” Michele asked and received a nod of confirmation. “Yeah, I would. Who knows when you might need it?”

“I only have two, though.”

“You’ll still have one left over if you want to buy yourself some peanut butter,” Michele teased. “I think you should buy it.”

“Okay, okay, I will.”

Michele couldn’t help but wonder who sold it to her. Maybe Jeremy, since he knew Natalie would have one of his fire tokens. She wished the advantage givers could disclose their identities. 

When it came to balance, Michele was not skilled. Luckily, neither were Yul and Sophie. Natalie managed to snag immunity after balancing a block between her head and the challenge frame, all while standing on her tip-toes.

The only uncertainty about the vote was whether or not Sophie would vote for Yul. In the end, she didn’t, but their two votes for Tony weren’t enough to keep Yul safe, leaving Sophie all alone, and Michele one step closer to the end. 

But two days later, when Sophie lost the house of cards challenge to Michele, she didn’t seem defeated enough.

Michele had seen enough  _ Survivor  _ to know that when it was you versus an opposing alliance, and you didn’t win immunity, it was gut-wrenching. Kelley Wentworth had broken down in Cambodia, while Sophie looked marginally disappointed, at best. 

Even after her third immunity win, Michele’s gut turned as they arrived back at camp, and she immediately pulled Natalie aside.

“I think Sophie has an idol,” Michele rushed out. “She needed immunity today, and when she lost, she didn’t even care.”

Before Natalie could respond, Kim and Denise walked up to the well.

“Anyone else have a bad feeling about tonight?” Kim asked.

“Yeah, me,” Michele replied. “I’m, like, positive that Sophie has an idol.”

Natalie looked torn. Eventually, she pulled the idol nullifier out of her bra. “We could use this.”

Kim and Denise gasped, and Michele smiled.

At Tribal, Michele couldn’t wait to get to the vote.

Finally, Jeff returned with the urn. “If anybody has a Hidden Immunity Idol and you want to play it, now would be the time to do so.”

Sophie reached into her bag, and Michele nearly lost her mind.

“Jeff? I know it’s me tonight, so I’m done sitting on this.” Sophie walked up to Jeff and handed over the idol. The string was green.  _ If Sophie had the Yara idol, then who found Dakal’s? _

“This  _ is  _ a Hidden Immunity Idol,” Jeff said, holding it up. “However, an Idol Nullifier has been played. If the nullifier was played on Sophie, this idol will not count.”

Jeff showed the nullifier facing front.

Michele looked to Parvati, who winked at her.  _ It was from her. _

On the back side of the nullifier, Sophie’s name was scrawled in all caps.

“Sophie, this makes your idol null and void. Any votes cast for Sophie will still count.”

Sophie’s devastation came, only much later in the day than Michele had expected. 

As she grabbed her torch, Michele felt her neck burn. She turned around and saw the jury preparing to leave, but Parvati lagged behind.

“How many?” she mouthed silently.

Michele’s face contorted in confusion.

“Tokens. How many?”

Michele held up three fingers before lifting her torch and leaving the set. At least now, if Parvati found anything else, she would send it Michele’s way.

But now they were down to six, and things were about to get real. 

***

When Tony’s hands slipped off his handle, dropping the bucket containing a quarter of his body weight, Michele wanted to break something.

Now, she and Wendell were tied for the most wins of the season, with three each. Michele had held on for a while, Tony only lasting a few minutes after she dropped. 

With only the dominant alliance left, there was nowhere to hide. Michele had wanted to target Wendell, but now that wasn’t possible. 

From her spot by the fire, Michele watched Kim scurry out of camp and return with dirt on her clothes, tucking something into her bag. She had been wondering about the status of the Dakal idol for a few days, but Michele thought she had just solved the mystery. 

“Hey,” Natalie said, sitting on the log beside Michele. “What are you thinking?”

“Kim?” Michele replied. “Then Wendell next, depending on who comes back in.”

“I’m good with that. I wanted Wendell gone tonight.”

Michele snorted. “I wanted Wendell gone on Day 12.” She still had faith that she’d ultimately get the best of her ex, but tonight was not the night. 

As the six of them sat around the fire eating rice and clam, Michele noticed Denise and Kim’s unwillingness to meet her eyes. Tony, who was normally chatty with her, had gone quiet.

She approached Wendell by the water. “Is it me tonight?”

Wendell’s head shot up. “What? No, we’re voting Kim.”

He must have forgotten that he had lied to Michele before, and she knew what to look for. When Wendell lied, his eyebrows raised halfway up his forehead, and he chewed on his bottom lip.

“Okay, just making sure.” She walked away quickly, and once Wendell returned to camp, she sprinted into the forest to retrieve her buried idol.

By the time Tribal Council was halfway through, Michele was certain that Wendell had flipped on her. 

“Wendell, we’re down to six people, who have been voting together since Day 18. What are the criteria for tonight’s vote?” Jeff asked.

“Tonight’s vote is about exposing the real threats to win this game,” Wendell said. “None of these people are playing weak or lackluster games, some people have just gone unnoticed.”

“But we noticed, Jeff,” Tony added.

Michele’s whole body was tense, shoulders hiked up. 

On the jury bench, Parvati chewed her bottom lip. 

“So, Michele, when you hear Wendell say that ‘some people have gone unnoticed,’ what does that mean to you?”

“Uh, that means me, Jeff.” Michele ran a hand through her hair. “I mean, Wendell and Tony are both very eccentric characters, and these ladies here all have some great moves under their belt. Which leaves me to be ‘unnoticed.’”

“Does that concern you?”

“Oh, absolutely,” she replied, playing up her fear and letting it tremble in her voice. The last thing she needed was for Kim to play an idol too. “With six people, it really only takes one person to shift the course of the vote. I’m just hoping that isn’t the case tonight.”

“And with that, it is time to vote,” Jeff said. “Natalie, you’re up.”

After voting, Michele sat down and had one hand hovering near her bag, where her idol was tucked away.

Jeff returned with the votes and signified the window for idols to be played, and all sound seemed to dissipate as Michele reached for hers. 

“I know I probably won’t go unnoticed after this,” Michele said as she stood up, “but I’d rather be noticed than be on a boat to the Edge tonight.” She handed Jeff the idol and returned to her seat. Instinctively, she looked up.

Parvati’s mouth hung wide open, along with several other jurors.

“This  _ is _ a Hidden Immunity Idol. Any votes cast for Michele will not count.”

Michele held her breath, waiting for Kim to stand, but she never did.  _ Maybe I was wrong.  _

Four votes against her, null and void. Wendell, Tony, Denise and Kim. 

Two for Kim, from herself and Natalie.

“Fifteenth person voted out: Kim. That’s two, that’s enough, you need to bring me your torch.”

“Wow,” Kim said, standing up.

“Sorry, Kim,” Michele said.

“No, don’t be, that was great,” Kim smiled at her as she turned to face Jeff. 

“Well, tonight’s Tribal Council just goes to show, you should  _ never  _ judge a book by its cover. Grab your stuff, head back to camp, goodnight.”

***

Some days in Fiji felt different. Michele could never pinpoint exactly  _ what  _ felt unusual—more humidity, choppier water, louder chirps from exotic birds—but after thirty-four days, something  _ was  _ different. 

“Tree mail,” Denise called, prompting Michele and the others to gather around the fire. 

As Denise read the note, Michele felt electricity in the air. Once again, they would be spectators.  _ Today is the day.  _

The day before, Michele had gone up to the overhang in mid-afternoon. For weeks, she had been limiting her thoughts to the nighttime, only musing about the way Parvati held her hand and wiped her tears in the anonymity of darkness. 

But looking out at the vast ocean once again, Michele couldn’t help herself. Her eyes fluttered closed, and she immediately saw stormy blue eyes staring her in the face. She felt Parvati’s arms around her, heard her boisterous laughs, saw Parvati’s lip pulled between her teeth.

Michele thought about how different the game could have been if Sele had won that challenge. She would forever despise Wendell for screwing up that maze. Michele imagined that she and Parvati would’ve stuck together, ideally sticking themselves in a similar alliance, even though she knew the odds of Parvati making it deep into the post-merge without getting targeted were slim. 

But it was Day 35, the day Michele had been waiting for since she watched Jeff snuff Parvati’s torch nineteen days ago.  _ Nineteen days since we last spoke.  _ Michele wondered if Parvati would still want anything to do with her if she got back in. She could just as easily choose to approach Tony and Denise. 

The challenge course looked similar in format to the merge challenge. A ropes-course, followed by a bridge, capped off with a wobbly table maze. This time, the competitors would have to untie pieces of the maze and construct it before steering their ball to the end.  
As the competitors walked in, Michele’s hopes dwindled. With so many more people, Parvati had her work cut out for her. 

Her jaw was set, brow furrowed in concentration, and Michele could tell she was tuning Jeff out. Parvati didn’t look at Michele until they had taken their spots, shooting her a smile just before they started. 

Michele hardly had time to smile back before Jeff was yelling “go,” and the castaways launched onto the course. She was happy to see that Parvati had purchased all three challenge advantages, but disappointed to see Sarah had as well. 

Parvati reached the bridge portion first, followed closely by Sarah and Kim. She maintained her lead all the way to the end, where Sarah caught up to her, sending them into the table maze neck-and-neck.

Michele knew Parvati was good at puzzles, but so was Sarah, and the  _ Game Changers  _ winner had the advantage of playing more recently. Both women struggled to get going, but all of a sudden, Parvati got her first piece, followed immediately by her second. 

Michele wanted to squeal with excitement when Parvati finished constructing her eight-piece table maze, leaving Sarah with three pieces and Kim with one. She watched Parvati take a deep breath before placing her ball at the start and beginning the maneuvering process. 

Sarah caught up quickly, placing her last piece only a few seconds after Parvati had begun steering her ball. 

Parvati jerked the table hard to the left, sending the ball flying around an obstacle and settling it two-thirds of the way down the course. A risky move that paid off. 

Michele found herself staring at Parvati’s hands, strong and slender as they gripped the handles of the table. The ball travelled further and further until it hovered next to a decoy hole mere inches from the landing point. 

Beads of sweat broke on Michele’s forehead, every muscle in her body tensing as she watched Parvati’s ball sway back and forth.

Sarah tilted her table sharply, landing in the same spot and hovering around the finish. 

Michele couldn’t stand it; she had to close her eyes. 

“Yes!”

When she opened them again, Parvati’s ball was sitting in the finish spot, and Sarah had crumpled to the ground. 

“Parvati wins the final re-entry challenge, earning a spot back in the game!” Jeff shouted.

Michele shot out of her seat. She had never clapped so hard in her life. 

Jeff handed Parvati a brand new black buff and told her to join the others. 

Time seemed to stretch out and slow down when Michele caught Parvati’s eye. Saltwater made ocean eyes glisten, and Michele felt the entire world, the entire game, fall away. 

Michele was glad she was already standing, because Parvati practically sprinted to the bench and threw herself into Michele’s arms, a choked sob escaping her lips as they clung to each other. 

“Hey, you,” Michele whispered before Parvati pulled away, gripping Michele’s forearms with her hands.

“You didn’t even watch me drop the ball,” Parvati scolded, but her smile threatened to take up her entire face.

“I couldn’t look!” Michele defended, studying every inch of Parvati’s face. In her eyes, something unreadable and filled with emotional tears. Michele felt bare as Parvati looked at her, tucking a strand of hair behind Michele’s ear before stepping away. 

Parvati hugged the other four players before turning to face Jeff, who then sent them on their way. 

Michele took a seat on the edge of the rib boat that would transport them back to camp, and her chest tightened when Parvati sat down next to her. Being this close to her after almost three weeks and not being able to talk was torturous, but as the boat sped off into the water, Michele looked down at the space between them, where Parvati’s hand was placed palm-down on the rubber. 

Michele leaned back on her hands. When she felt fingertips barely brush her own, a shiver went down her spine. Michele looked down to find their pinkies touching, and she smiled.

The boat pulled up to the beach, and Parvati gasped.

“God, you guys merged onto our shitty beach?” she said as they stepped out of the boat and walked up to camp.

“It has undergone several renovations,” Denise replied. 

“We extended the shelter and added another bench,” Wendell explained, giving Parvati a mini-tour of camp.

“So how was it out there? After the merge?” Natalie asked. 

For a moment, Michele was envious of her, because she understood what Parvati had been through better than Michele ever could. 

“I think it got worse, honestly,” Parvati replied.

Michele wanted nothing more than to sit next to Parvati and listen to harrowing Edge of Extinction stories, but she didn’t want to come off clingy, so she busied herself by portioning out rice and setting the pot on the fire. 

“We did that log challenge again, the one you told me about. Half of them didn’t even try it. Having so many people around was the worst part, especially the new-schoolers. So entitled!”

Conversation continued while Michele stayed quiet, focusing on cooking the rice and dishing it up into clam shells. She passed them around and handed one to Parvati before sitting down next to her. 

It didn’t take long for Tony and Wendell to erupt into a heated debate about Super Smash Bros, while Natalie and Denise discussed Cross-Fit.

Parvati set a hand down on Michele’s knee to get her attention. “Are you okay?” 

“Yeah, why wouldn’t I be?” Michele replied and took another bite. She was so damn  _ sick  _ of rice, and their last adept fisher had been Yul. 

“I don’t know, you just seem quiet,” Parvati said, eyes downcast. “Like you’re not happy to see me.” She chewed on her bottom lip and avoided Michele’s gaze. 

Michele frowned. “I am happy to see you. Probably too happy.” If she didn’t know better, Michele would think Parvati was nervous. “I just wanted to give you some space, let you get settled again.”

Parvati nodded and continued eating. 

Michele felt sick to her stomach. It hadn’t been her intention to upset Parvati, not in the slightest. Michele wanted to throw herself into Parvati’s embrace and never leave her side, but she had feared rejection from the older woman, electing to keep her distance out of self-preservation. Now, it seemed she had made the wrong choice.

She couldn’t eat any more, half of her rice still in the clam shell. “Want the rest?” she asked Parvati.

“You’re not hungry?”

“Not really,” Michele replied. “I’ve got something better. Besides, you need it more than I do.”

Parvati took the rice and scooped it into her own shell. “Are you hiding an octopus somewhere?” Her eye-crinkling smile had returned with full force.

Michele rolled her eyes. “I’ll explain later.”

“You’re gonna have to tell me everything,” Parvati replied. “I’ll dish all the jury drama, obviously.”

Michele just smiled. She had been worried for nothing. Parvati was equally as happy to see her, and wanted her company. “We can head up to the overhang later.”

“You still go up there?” Parvati asked.

“Yeah, I’ve done yoga up there a few times,” Michele joked, yelping as Parvati elbowed her in the arm. 

When everyone had finished eating, Parvati excused herself to wash her clothes down by the beach. 

Before Michele could volunteer to do the dishes so she could be close to the  _ Micronesia  _ winner, Natalie stood and collected the clam shells before taking them and the pot down to the water. Wendell and Tony walked off together, and Denise left camp soon after, leaving Michele alone with her thoughts.

This was the final six. Michele had to start getting real about who she wanted to sit next to at the end, and how she could get there. Her optimal plan would be to get rid of Wendell at the next vote, as long as he didn’t win immunity, then Tony at five. After that, it would depend on the final immunity winner dictating who would be making fire. 

Michele was anxious. She did  _ not  _ want to sit next to Wendell, not because he would win, but because Michele was confident that Wendell would do everything in his power to take votes  _ away  _ from Michele by painting her in a negative light.

She played ring toss with Tony as the afternoon bore on, losing three straight games until Parvati approached them. 

“Mind if I join?” she asked.

“Not at all,” Tony replied. “You can take my spot. I’m gonna go for a swim.” Tony strode down the beach, leaving Michele and Parvati alone. 

“I suck at this game,” Parvati said, swinging the ring far and wide from the peg. 

Michele took her turn, the bamboo ring bouncing off the peg after briefly hooking. “Takes practice.”

“This isn’t fair, you’ve had more time to play than me,” Parvati replied, pouting.

“They don’t have ring-toss on the Edge?” Michele asked. Her cheeks hurt from smiling so much. She had hardly been able to stop since the challenge. 

“Shut up.” Parvati turned to look out at the horizon. “Sun’s starting to set.”

Michele let go of the ring. “Wanna head up?”

Parvati nodded, hanging the ring on the peg before starting in the direction of the trail. 

Michele followed her up, like she had done when Parvati showed her this spot, and when they reached the top, her heart nearly burst.

Parvati wore a blissful smile as she basked in the sunlight, holding her arms out and spinning like a little kid. “Man, I missed this. It feels gloomier on the Edge, like you’re under a permanent rain cloud.”

Michele snuck over to a yellowish bush, retrieving her bundle of trail mix and hiding it behind her back as she approached Parvati.

“What’cha got there?” Parvati asked.

They sat down on the edge of the overhang, legs dangling over, and Michele handed the bundle to Parvati and watched her face light up as she opened it.

“Where’d you get this?”

“Spa reward,” Michele answered. “There was a huge jar of it. I’ve eaten a lot of it, but I wanted to save some in case…”

Parvati’s eyebrow quirked. “In case what?”

“In case you got back in,” Michele said, heat rising in her cheeks. The amount of times she pictured this moment—admiring the sunset and eating stolen trail mix with Parvati on Day 35—was enough to make Michele want to crawl into a hole. 

She could feel Parvati staring at her, but Michele didn’t dare look up until she felt a hand on her chin.

“Hey.” Parvati tilted her head up. “Thank you.” The sincerity in her voice, in her eyes, sent a shudder through Michele’s body.

“I’m really glad you’re here,” Michele said quietly.

Parvati reached for her hand and interlaced their fingers. “Me too. Now, fill me in.”

“Well, it’s kind of a mess,” Michele began. “Only Natalie voted with me last Tribal, so if you voted with us, we’d probably be deadlocked.”

“Michele,” Parvati said, sounding stern. “I am going to vote with you. I promise.”

She smiled. “Okay, then we’ll be deadlocked, unless Natalie flips, but we both want Wendell gone.”

“And Tony after?” Parvati asked. “He’s still perceived as the bigger threat over Denise.”

“Yeah, we want Tony at five,” Michele confirmed. “What do they think of the rest of us?”

“Pretty much everyone hates Wendell,” Parvati said with a chuckle. “He would be a huge goat, I don’t think anyone would vote for him.”

“I’m just worried about getting discredited at Final Tribal. He already talks to me like I’m five years old, the last thing I need is to be constantly cut off and disrespected in front of a jury that already doesn’t respect me.”

“What?” Parvati exclaimed. “Meesh, they respect you. Why wouldn’t they?”

Michele hesitated. 

“Because of the controversy about your win?” Parvati inferred before Michele had a chance to answer. “Babe, that’s bullshit. No one cares how or why you won before. This is  _ Winners at War, _ and from where I was sitting, you played the best game out of the five of you.”

She was stunned into silence.

“All Denise really has to show for is the Sandra boot, and that was pre-merge,” Parvati continued, and Michele didn’t dare stop her. “Tony took a massive backseat this time around, and if you spoke better than Natalie, you’d beat her.”

“Nat is my biggest concern in terms of threats to me winning,” Michele said.  _ Besides you _ . “We basically played the same game.”

“Yeah, except you played thirteen more days than her, survived more Tribal Councils, and wiggled your way out of pre-merge minorities to the merge.”

“What about you?” Michele was eager to change the subject. She hated talking about herself, especially her accomplishments. “What’s your plan?”

“Win immunity, basically,” Parvati replied with a chuckle. “If I don’t, they’ll definitely target me.”

“Did you get an idol?” Michele asked. She knew Chris had gotten one upon his return to the game.

Parvati shook her head. “I think production caught a little too much heat for that last time. Makes it too easy.”

Michele agreed, it  _ did  _ make it too easy, and she was completely torn between wanting things to be easy for Parvati and wanting them to be hard. 

They talked strategy until the sun was almost fully under the horizon before heading back down to camp. Michele tended to the fire while the others settled into the shelter and Parvati went to retrieve her clothes.

She set a few large logs on the fire and added some more kindling, stoking the embers with a stick. Michele looked up when she heard footsteps and smiled as Parvati approached with only the bottom half of her jumpsuit on.

“That’s a good look,” Michele said, using her stick to gesture towards Parvati. “Very farmer chic.”

“I knew I should’ve modeled,” Parvati said with a dazzling smile, turning and striking a few poses.

Michele’s eyes took their time wandering across Parvati’s body, from her toned abdomen to the line of her neck, up to her sharp jaw and full lips. The orange light from the fire made Parvati’s skin glow, and Michele wished she had a camera to capture the view. 

“Are you still sleeping at the end?” Parvati pointed at the shelter, where the other four were already laid out. 

“Yep,” Michele replied, standing up and throwing her stick on the fire. “Next to my favorite person in the whole world.”

“But I’ve been sleeping on the Edge,” Parvati replied, mock confusion on her face. 

“I meant Wendell, you dork.” Michele rolled her eyes. Deep down, she hated how right Parvati was, even if it had been a joke. 

“Well come on, let me end the reign of terror once and for all.” Parvati made her way to the shelter and laid down on the bamboo, leaving a spot for Michele on the end. She patted the space beside her, undoing her bun and shaking her head to free her chestnut locs. 

For the first time since hitting the beach on Day 1, Michele was hesitant to approach Parvati, because dear  _ God  _ she was hot. She had her head propped up on one arm, exposing the lines of her bicep, her hair perfectly tousled and was only partially clothed. Michele was certain she wouldn’t be able to sleep.

When she laid down next to Parvati, Michele immediately closed her eyes and prayed for sleep to overtake her.

“Psst.” A tap on her shoulder made Michele turn over.

Parvati’s face laid inches from her own, and Michele couldn’t tear her eyes away from Parvati’s lips. 

“What’s up?” Michele whispered, trying desperately to keep her voice even.

“Just wanted to look at you,” Parvati mumbled, eyes fluttering shut before opening again. 

Michele melted at the sleepy expression on Parvati’s face. “You’re exhausted.”

“Am not,” she protested, eyes closing as she spoke.

“You can’t even keep your eyes open, Parv,” Michele said with a giggle. “Go to sleep.” 

She stayed silent, but made no move to turn away. 

Michele could only watch as Parvati’s gaze flitted across her face and stopped at her lips. She swore there were magnets between them, pulling them closer and closer until Michele only saw Parvati, saw her eyes close, and she felt a hand on her cheek, cupping her jaw.

A deafening pop rang through camp, making them both jump. 

Parvati’s hand fell from Michele’s face as she stood up and walked to the fire, leaving Michele alone in the shelter after their almost-kiss.

Michele was reeling. She had noticed the looks, and the flirting, but she attributed it all to Parvati’s natural charm. But that, that was  _ different _ , and Michele knew it. 

“What was that?” Wendell asked, voice groggy with sleep. 

“Bamboo in the fire,” Parvati explained and headed back to the shelter. “It shouldn’t pop again, though.”

Michele’s heart thrummed in her chest as she laid face up, staring at the woven palm fronds laid across beams of bamboo. 

Parvati laid back down in the shelter, facing Michele.

When Michele turned to look at her, Parvati’s eyes were closed, so she rolled over to face the empty space on the other side of her. Not long after, she felt an arm lay gently across her torso. Michele was disappointed when Parvati didn’t come any closer.

“Michele?” Parvati whispered.

She craned her neck. “Yeah?”

“Can we switch?”

It took Michele a moment to understand, but it clicked when Parvati rolled over to face Wendell. Michele turned over and slid an arm over Parvati’s stomach.

Within seconds, Parvati was curled up against Michele’s front, clutching her hand with one of her own. 

As she suspected, sleep never came for Michele. 

***

To Michele’s surprise, the next immunity challenge was endurance, and she couldn’t believe Parvati’s luck.

When they approached the clearing, six buckets of different colors hung above matching narrow beams. The challenge Parvati had won twice before. Briefly, Michele wondered if it was possible for production to have rigged this, but there was no way they could have known. 

The final six stood with one arm above their heads. Michele on one end, and Parvati on the other. After twenty minutes, Michele leaned forward to observe the competition, and found herself drenched from head to toe with green water. 

From the bench, she watched Tony go out, closely followed by Denise. After two hours, Natalie slipped off the beam, leaving only Parvati and Wendell.

“Wanna cut a deal, Parv?” Wendell asked. “You step down, and I don’t vote for you tonight?”

Parvati rolled her eyes. “Oh, Wendell. I’ve won this challenge twice before. I stood up here for six hours, and I could’ve gone longer. You voted me out, I’m not giving you shit.”

Michele and Natalie howled with laughter at Wendell’s huff of frustration. 

Another hour passed, and Wendell began to show signs of discomfort. He twisted his arm, careful not to lower it, and continued to shift his legs.

Beside him, Parvati was stoic, eyes closed. 

Michele knew she was meditating and didn’t dare break her concentration by cheering her on. 

“Three hours in,” Jeff said. “Half as long as Parvati lasted in  _ Micronesia.  _ Wendell with a lot of adjusting. Parvati has barely moved since this challenge started.”

“Ugh, fuck,” Wendell cursed in pain.

“Wanna cut a deal, Wendell?” Parvati smirked, stifling a laugh. 

Moments later, Wendell’s arm dropped just a little too low, dumping him with yellow water. 

“Parvati wins immunity!” Jeff exclaimed. 

She stepped off the perch and lowered her arm, letting the water drop behind her. As soon as she released her arm, Parvati jogged to the bench and pulled Michele into a tight hug.

“Good effort by Wendell, but it wasn’t enough,” Jeff said. “Parvati wins this challenge for the third time. No one has  _ ever  _ won the same challenge three times.”

Michele beamed as Jeff placed the necklace around Parvati’s neck. 

Back at camp, Michele was ecstatic. She would finally have an opportunity to take Wendell out with no repercussions, and she could get revenge for Parvati’s elimination at his hands. 

When she saw Wendell walk off with Denise, though, Michele started to get nervous.

“Do you think she’d vote with them?” Parvati asked, coming up behind Michele.

“I don’t know,” Michele replied. “I mean, she wouldn’t gain anything from forcing a tie.”

“Unless she’s thinking it’s a big move,” Parvati countered. 

Michele’s gears turned. It was possible that Denise would force a rock-draw for her resumé. Risking your own elimination to get someone else out was certainly a move, but Michele didn’t see it as a good one. 

“They’re gonna put votes on me, since you’re immune,” Michele said. “I have a vote steal I could use.” She searched Parvati’s face for a shred of understanding, wondering if the advantage really  _ did  _ come from her.

Parvati smiled. “I was wondering if you’d ever bring that up. I thought you might have given it away.”

“So it  _ was _ you, then?”

“You knew?” Parvati looked surprised.

Michele smiled. “I had a feeling.”

At Tribal Council, the jury’s reaction to Parvati’s new jewelry was massive. They whooped and cheered, and Michele’s stomach churned seeing how well she was received.  _ There’s no way I can sit next to her at the end.  _

When Jeff brought up the topic of building your resumé, Michele’s ears perked up.

“Denise, how important is it to have made big moves that you can take credit for in front of the jury?”

“Oh, it’s extremely important,” Denise replied. “Even though you got to the end, you need to have something to show for it, and a big, risky move could be the deciding factor of who wins this season.”

Michele looked at Parvati and wordlessly conveyed her intentions. 

“I think it’s also important to assess the necessity of a move,” Parvati jumped in. “Sometimes, a big move is the way to go, but not always.”

“And what do you think the case will be tonight?” Jeff asked.

“I think the proverbial shit is about to hit the proverbial fan, Jeff,” Parvati replied with a winning smile. 

“And with that, it is time to vote. Tony-”

“Jeff?” Michele cut the host off, reaching for her bag. “If I may…” She pulled the vote steal from the depths of her satchel and brought it up to Jeff. 

“This is a vote steal advantage,” Jeff explained. “Michele, you can steal the vote of any player and cast a second player. Whose vote are you going to steal?”

In truth, it didn’t matter whose vote she took away, but Michele had been craving revenge for weeks, and she wanted it to sting. 

“I’m going to steal Wendell’s vote.”

Michele locked eyes with him, and Wendell was seething, she could tell. 

When she went up to vote, Michele underlined Wendell’s name in dark lines. She held the vote up for the camera. 

“Wendell, this vote is for trying to flip on me last Tribal,” she said, reaching for her second piece of parchment. “And  _ this  _ vote is for getting rid of my girl Parv. I definitely won’t miss your loud mouth.”

Michele returned to her seat and smiled widely as Parvati leaned her head on her shoulder. They held hands as the votes were read, Parvati’s grip growing tighter when the two votes for Michele popped up. She cheered under her breath as Jeff snuffed Wendell’s torch.

“Well, you’ve reached the Final Five, and based on the last few votes, it’s going to be one hell of a ride.”

When they returned to camp, Tony slipped into the shelter immediately, while the four women sat around the fire.

“Can I ask you a question, Denise?” Parvati asked. “You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to.”

“Sure, go for it,” Denise replied. 

“Why did you still vote for Michele even after she played the vote steal?” Parvati questioned, tone harsher than Michele expected. It came off in an almost protective manner. “I mean, you had to know it wouldn’t work.”

“I thought Wendell might have an idol,” she replied plainly. “He’s always so cocky. I didn’t know what to think. But, for what it’s worth, I am sorry, Michele.”

“It’s all good,” Michele said, and she meant it. She bore no ill will towards Denise, feeling only elation due to Wendell’s elimination. 

Denise retired soon after, and the remaining trio chatted for a little longer before Natalie turned in for the night, leaving Michele and Parvati alone. 

“Tomorrow is day thirty-seven,” Michele said. “Can you believe it?”

“Not at all,” Parvati replied. “But at the same time, it feels like it’s been years. A lot of it sucked, but it’s been amazing.” She let out a heaving sigh. “I’m really sad, to be honest with you.”

Michele frowned and moved from one log to the one Parvati occupied. “Why?”

“I just…” she trailed off. “So much happened right before I left, this has been my escape from it all. Don’t get me wrong, I like my life, and I  _ love  _ my baby, but it’s gonna be hard to go back. I don’t want to.”

“I get that,” Michele said. “There are some things I’m really gonna miss.”

“Like what?”

“Not having to go to work, being in Fiji…” Michele sighed. “You.”

“I’m gonna miss you too, Meesh.” Parvati rested her head on Michele’s shoulder and spoke again, quieter this time. “You have no idea how much.”

***

Parvati wiped the floor with them at the next immunity challenge. They had to retrieve bags of puzzle pieces at different points on an obstacle course, and Parvati was back with all six before anyone had gotten their fourth. She was determined in a way Michele had never seen her, assembling the 63-piece puzzle in what felt like seconds. 

On the boat ride back to camp, Michele drew blood from her lip worrying about Tony having an idol. It was the first thing she brought to Parv and Nat at the water well.

“So, let’s say Tony has the Dakal idol, and Denise votes with him,” Michele said. “We can’t split votes with three.”

“Uh-uh.” Parvati shook her head. “Kim had the Dakal idol. She told us.”

Michele’s jaw dropped. She  _ had  _ been right. “Really? You’re sure?”

“Yeah, I saw it,” Parvati assured her. “She was kicking herself for not playing it after you played yours.”

“So Tony doesn’t have an idol,” Natalie said. 

“He doesn’t have the Dakal one, I’m sure of it,” Parvati replied.

“Then I say we just vote Tony.” Natalie poured water into a canteen while Michele held it. “Less risk than trying to pull Denise in and splitting it 3-1.”

“Yeah, that could go horribly wrong if we’re not careful,” Michele said. 

They decided to keep things simple, and Michele approached Denise to discuss targeting Tony. Thankfully, Denise was ready to accept any target that wasn’t her, and they all liked the idea of a female final four.

Michele had never seen such a straightforward vote so late in the game. Day 37, and Tony went quietly into the night, leaving only four original Sele.

In the morning, Michele could barely eat due to her nerves. She had never wanted to win a challenge so badly while simultaneously wanting to lose. Michele knew what needed to happen if she won, and she could barely stand the thought. She stirred her rice around with a bamboo stick, staying quiet while Natalie and Denise bantered about who-knows-what. Of course, Parvati  _ had  _ to be thoughtful and attentive. 

“You okay?” she asked. “You’re not eating.”

“I can’t, I-” Michele tried to explain. “I’m just-”

“Hey, it’s okay,” Parvati soothed. “Wanna go for a walk?”

Michele could only nod. They both set their food down and excused themselves, walking down to the beach and sitting under the curling palm.

“What’s on your mind, baby?” Parvati’s tone was smooth as velvet, calming Michele’s nerves ever so slightly.

“I want to win today, obviously,” Michele said. “But I also really,  _ really _ don’t.”

Parvati’s face fell. “I know. But it’s okay. You’re gonna do whatever you need to do, and that’s okay.”

“Parv, you don’t understand,” she rushed out. “If I win, I’ll have to-”

“I understand perfectly, Meesh,” Parvati cut her off. “And I’m telling you that it’s okay.”

Michele couldn’t hold back her tears. She cried softly as Parvati held her close, stroking her back until Michele had nothing left. 

“You need to eat,” Parvati said as they separated. “I’m gonna grab you some trail mix.”

“You don’t have to-” Michele started to say, but Parvati was already walking off towards the cliff. She rubbed at her sore eyes and dusted the sand off her legs. 

When they arrived at the challenge beach, Michele didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. A large structure stood in the water, and multiple sets of stairs led to a three-level puzzle. It was her final immunity challenge from  _ Kaôh Rōng _ . 

Parvati seemed to notice as well, because she shot Michele a look that the younger woman couldn’t decipher. 

Michele had been dead last on her season and came from behind on the puzzle. The story was the same on Day 38 of  _ Winners at War _ . Parvati led, with Denise and Natalie behind, and Michele was on their heels. By the time Michele had returned to the top of the staircase, Parvati had completed the first level of her puzzle, while Denise and Nat were nowhere. 

Michele constructed her first level as if it was second nature, the pieces coming together in record time. She was careful not to get distracted by Parvati, whose course just  _ had  _ to be next to hers. She quickly caught and passed Parvati, and as she worked on her third level, Michele felt like the worst person in the world. 

She would be sending Parvati to fire. She had to, there was no choice to be made. None of them could beat Parvati in the Final Three, and they all knew it. 

Parvati was halfway done with her second level as Michele placed her last pieces, and the older woman stopped to watch. 

Out of the corner of her eye, Michele saw her smiling. 

When she finished her puzzle, Michele kicked it down before falling to her knees. Less than three seconds later, she felt a familiar pair of arms wrap around her. 

“It’s okay,” Parvati whispered, her head tucked into Michele’s neck so no one could read her lips. “You did so well, I’m so proud of you.” And then, the fatal blow. “I love you. It’s okay.” 

Michele finally stood up with weak legs. 

Parvati never left her side, keeping an arm around her waist until it was time to retrieve the necklace from Jeff. 

She had done it: guaranteed Final Three. And yet, Michele didn’t think she had ever felt worse. All she could think about was Parvati’s torch getting snuffed for the second time, and Michele heard her voice in her head:  _ I love you. It’s okay.  _

The moment they returned camp, guilt threatened to eat Michele alive.

“I don’t want to, like, surprise you guys tonight,” Michele said as they sat in the shelter. “Is it okay if I just tell you what I’m gonna do now?”

“Yeah, of course,” Denise replied. 

“Okay, well…” Michele stared at the bamboo. “I’m going to take Nat.”

Natalie threw her arms around Michele. “Thank you so much.”

“I’m really sorry,” Michele choked out, looking up at Denise and Parvati, neither of whom looked overly hurt. “I hate being in this position, but-”

“Don’t feel bad,” Denise said, standing up and grabbing a machete and flint. “I’m gonna go practice.” She walked into the jungle without another word. 

“I probably should, too.” Parvati stood up.

Michele was speechless, and she watched Parvati take the second machete before heading down to the beach.

“I really can’t thank you enough,” Natalie said. “I can’t imagine how hard it must have been to decide that.”

_ You have no idea. _

Dark clouds hovered in the sky, threatening to drench them as Michele walked down the beach, in the opposite direction of Parvati, and went for a swim to clear her head. She couldn’t stop hearing Parvati’s words at the challenge,  _ I love you  _ playing on a loop. When she resurfaced, Michele felt compelled to go see her.

Parvati sat cross-legged in the sand, a small fire growing in front of her.

She didn’t announce her presence, opting to sit down across from Parvati, with the fire in between them. 

“Hey, you,” Parvati said, setting down the blade in her hand. “How are you feeling?”

“A little better. But still awful.”

“You really shouldn’t,” Parvati chided. “I’m okay. Just part of the game.”

Michele said nothing. She didn’t know what to say or how to feel. 

“I have to thank you,” Parvati broke the silence. “For sticking with me all this time. You were by my side from the beginning, and knowing I had you made the Edge a lot easier.”

Michele’s heart clenched as she listened.

“I wanted to see you walk into our camp  _ so _ badly, but I was praying you never would. And it’s a good thing you didn’t. If you hadn’t still been in the game, I don’t think I would have fought so hard in that challenge.” Parvati stood up abruptly. “Let’s head up there.” She nodded at the cliff behind Michele. “One last time.”

They walked in silence, Michele’s inner turmoil brewing. She wanted the extra day with Parvati; she wanted the breakfast, the stress-free chats before Final Tribal, but Michele didn’t want to lose two million dollars.

They sat side by side, neither woman speaking for several minutes, until Michele couldn’t help it anymore.

“After the challenge, when you said…” she trailed off. “What did you mean?”

“What did I mean?” Parvati repeated, puzzled. “When I said I loved you?”

Michele choked when she heard it again. “Yeah.”

“I meant that I love you,” Parvati replied immediately.

Her cheeks burned, but before this was all over, she  _ had  _ to know. “But like… in what way?”

Parvati tapped her chin, staying quiet for what felt like an eternity before opening her mouth. “I realized it the first time we came up here. The sky was orange and pink, and it made you glow. You were so amazed by the view, and I was amazed by you. You’re so strong, Meesh, and you don’t even realize it. Strong, and funny, and beautiful as hell.

“I love you like this: like you were the first thing I thought of when I was out there, like I wanted to kill Wendell for hurting you and for taking away time I could’ve spent with you. I love you like someone with demons chasing the most beautiful light. I love you like wanting to kill that piece of bamboo for blowing up in the fire.”

Parvati’s eyes watered, and her voice trembled with the weight of her words. “I love you like I don’t even care that it’s your fault I might go home tonight, because you did the strongest thing you could do in this game. I just… I just love you, Michele.”

Thunder rumbled loudly, as if a higher power was answering Parvati’s confession instead of Michele. Raindrops began to fall, slow at first before increasing in frequency.

Michele was reeling.  _ She loves me. And she wanted to kiss me that night. _

“I, uh… It’s cool,” Parvati mumbled. “I get it. Just forget I said anything.” She moved to stand up when Michele grabbed her hand, keeping her on the ground. 

Michele couldn’t find the right words; nothing could top what Parvati had just said, so Michele slid a hand onto Parvati’s neck and leaned in, connecting their lips in a blazing kiss, only fortified by the rain. 

Parvati’s hands flew up to cradle Michele’s jaw as their lips moved. Her movements betrayed her impatience, lips parting to deepen the kiss.

After a few moments, Michele pulled away, breathless.

“I love you too,” she whispered.

Parvati’s eyes lit up, pupils blown. “Yeah?”

“God, yes,” Michele replied. She couldn’t resist leaning in again, capturing Parvati’s lips once again as the cool rain began to pour.

“Any chance we can get out of this rain?” Parvati asked, and the pair bolted back to camp, all smiles.

By the time they went into lockdown, the rain had stopped. Michele felt her nerves return as they walked onto the set and she saw the two fire-making tables. The jury strolled in and took their seats.

“Well, here we are,” Jeff said. “Michele, you won the Final Immunity Challenge, which means you get to choose one person to come with you to Final Tribal Council, sending the other two to a fire-making challenge for that third spot. Who are you going to take with you?”

Michele took a deep breath, hearing Parvati’s words in her mind.  _ The strongest thing you could do in this game _ . 

“I’m going to take Natalie.”

Denise and Parvati got set up for the challenge, and it was on. They both began by building their base, which had proven the better strategy over the years. After building pyramids of sticks and filling the hollow space with coconut husk, both women began shaving magnesium at the same. Denise began striking first, but Parvati was the first with flame.

Denise ignited her husk as Parvati nursed the fledgeling fire on her table, and the women were neck-and-neck once again. Both fires grew stronger and higher, but Denise’s had a slight advantage in height.

Michele watched as both fires reached the rope and began to burn it, and her head fell into her hands when a flag went up.

“Denise wins the fire-making challenge, by a second, and earns a spot in the Final Three!” Jeff called out. 

Parvati was all smiles.

“So, Parvati,” Jeff began, “it’s the end of the line. What are you feeling about this experience?”

“It was exactly what I needed, right when I needed it,” Parvati said, glancing at Michele. “I did everything I came here to do, except win. I could’ve done without the whole ‘getting voted out’ thing, but it is what it is.”

“Parvati, unfortunately, you will fall one day short of the chance to plead your case. If you could bring me your torch, for the second time.”

Michele stood up at the same time as Parvati, meeting her halfway for a tight embrace. Michele felt Parvati’s lips ghost her ear.

“You better wipe the floor with those two tomorrow,” she whispered. “I’ll see you soon.”

“I love you,” Michele whispered back, and it was desperate, a plea for her to stay, even though there was no way.

She couldn’t help but shed a tear as Jeff put Parvati’s fire out.

At the edge of the set, Parvati turned and blew her a kiss, one Michele would hold onto forever.

When she woke up, Natalie was shaking her. “Get up! Food is here!”

Michele smiled.  _ Day 39. _ She could hardly believe it. She slid out of the shelter and waited for Denise and Natalie to return with their breakfast. 

The atmosphere as the final three players cooked bacon and pancakes was extremely positive. Michele sipped her mimosa in between huge bites of omelet, fruit and meats, fully content. 

She found herself surprisingly guilt-free about the night before. Michele knew that Parvati didn’t hold it against her, and that was all she needed. 

The day was spent in peace, each player taking time alone to plan their statements and come up with answers to potential questions. Michele spent most of the afternoon at the top of the hill, snacking on trail mix as she strategized. 

Michele felt well prepared: she had a clear narrative for her game laid out, as well as takedowns for both players who would sit beside her. She had survived a minority swap, survived to the most Tribal Councils of anyone in the game, played two advantages correctly, and orchestrated the blindside of one of the biggest threats in the game. 

She felt as light as she had all season as they walked into Tribal. Michele waited impatiently for the jury to enter, and when she saw Parvati, Michele nearly died. 

She wore a tight navy dress, hair straightened and makeup done. Parvati smiled widely as she sat down, giving Michele two thumbs up. 

“Well, Michele, Denise, Natalie, you’ve reached the Final Tribal Council,” Jeff addressed them. “Jury, you will have your first chance to address the finalists, and we will hold an open forum with three parts: outwit; outplay; outlast. We’ll start with opening statements. Michele, you’re up.”

Thirty-nine grueling, emotional days had led Michele to this moment. She had a hand in voting out the nineteen people who sat before her, and she had done everything necessary to reach this point. Michele took a deep breath, locked her gaze on Parvati, and spoke. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there's still a little more to these two's story, hang onto your hats.
> 
> follow me on twitter! @olivigay


	3. post-game

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the final part of this saga. 
> 
> warnings: sexual content

After medical checks, psych evaluations and debriefs, the Final Three were finally ready to stroll into Ponderosa after over a month of starvation and sleep deprivation. They pulled up to the dock and saw all sixteen jurors standing in front of the central building, champagne glasses in hand.

Michele stepped onto the dock with a face-splitting grin, searching the crowd for one face in particular.

Parvati stepped out from behind Tyson, holding three glasses, and approached the finalists.

“Congratulations, guys!” Parvati beamed, handing Natalie and Denise their champagne and hugging them before moving to Michele. Parvati threw her arms around Michele’s shoulders, pulling her into a tight embrace. 

“Here.” Parvati pulled away and passed the glass off to Michele. “Congrats, Meesh.”

Michele’s cheeks ached. “Thank you.”

The jurors ushered them inside, everyone sitting down around the massive table which was covered in various foods. Parvati sat down towards one end and patted the seat next to her, inviting Michele to join her. 

The atmosphere was boisterous, raucous laughter and shouts filling the room as the survivors stuffed their faces with pizza, tacos, sliders and pasta. Alcohol flowed in abundance, but Michele stopped herself after two drinks, not wanting a hangover on the way home. 

Eventually, a few of the guys began moving the couches to clear space for a dance floor in the living room, and soon the entire cast was dancing along to blaring music. 

Parvati stood from the table and held a hand out to Michele. “Wanna dance?”

She took one last bite of pizza before taking Parvati’s hand and letting herself be dragged to the dance floor. She felt a little claustrophobic, eighteen other people moving in close quarters, but Michele was overcome with euphoria. She didn’t know how long they danced for, her blood running hot when fast songs changed to slow ones and Parvati would draw their bodies closer. Michele had never cared less about the people around her, her back pressed against Parvati’s front as Rihanna blasted through the speakers. She was drunk on the feeling of Parvati’s hands on her waist and hot breath on her neck. 

It was only when Michele could barely stand that Parvati turned her around. “Okay, let’s get you to bed, hmm?”

Michele pouted. “But everyone else is still up.”

“Everyone else has had at least one good night’s sleep since they starved on an island,” Parvati retorted. “Denise and Nat already went to bed, come on.” 

Parvati took her hand, and they slipped off the dance floor and into the cool night air, Parvati leading Michele to her cabin. 

Michele was elated upon seeing her suitcase and toiletries, wanting nothing more than to scrub the layers of dirt off her body. 

“I think I’m gonna shower,” Michele said, ducking her head into the bathroom. 

“Oh, okay,” Parvati replied, standing awkwardly in the doorway and Michele wandered around the room. “I’ll just go, then.”

“Wait!” Michele exclaimed, turning to face Parvati. “Will you, uh… Could you stay? Just for a little while?”

“Yeah,” Parvati said. “I can stay as long as you want.”

Michele nodded and turned again, collecting the necessary items before stepping into the bathroom. She set everything down on the floor of the shower and saw Parvati leaning against the door frame biting her lip.

Ordinarily, Michele thought herself a confident individual, never hesitating to ask for what she wanted. But here, with Parvati in front of her, Michele had no idea how to invite her to close the distance between them.

She didn’t have to invite Parvati, though, because the  _ Micronesia  _ winner took two steps toward Michele and connected their lips, slender hands settling on Michele’s waist. Their kiss was languid and unhurried, the pressures of both the game and the outside world falling away. Michele was breathless as Parvati’s tongue dipped just barely inside before retreating. 

She seemed to have one more ounce of self-control than Michele, pulling away slowly despite Michele’s whine of protest. 

“You’re supposed to be showering,” Parvati reminded before placing a soft kiss on Michele’s cheek and several others along her jaw.

The air surrounding them felt impossibly heavy. “You can just… sit in here. I’ll only be a few minutes.” Michele backed away reluctantly until the frosted glass touched her shoulder blades. She turned and stepped into the shower, stripping off her soiled clothes and throwing them over the shower wall onto the floor.

The warm water felt heavenly against Michele’s skin and she immediately lathered herself with excessive amounts of soap, taking her time scrubbing the dirt and sweat away. Michele ran vanilla-scented shampoo through her hair, scratching her nails against her scalp. When she began rinsing it out, Michele realized she had forgotten to grab the matching bottle of conditioner.

“Parv?” she called over the stream of water.

“Yeah?” Parvati replied, voice high and reedy. 

“I forgot my conditioner. It’s on the dresser, can you grab it for me?”

“Uh-huh,” Parvati said.

Michele heard the door open, and once it closed again, she opened the glass door and reached an arm out to take the bottle.

Parvati’s lip was pulled between her teeth, eyes raking up and down Michele’s body. Her cheeks flushed with red as she handed over the conditioner. 

Heat flooded her body and overtook her mind. Michele couldn’t find it in herself to think about the consequences of her actions. 

“Are you just going to stand there?” Michele raised an eyebrow. “Or are you coming in?”

Parvati looked dumbfounded, as if she hadn’t expected Michele to be so bold. It only took a second for the words to register and Parvati tugged her blouse over her head. 

Michele giggled, closing the door and slipping back under the stream for a brief moment, until the door opened again.

The sight of the woman in front of Michele left her speechless, eyes drinking Parvati in. She was muscular; strong arms and thighs balanced perfectly by the soft skin of her torso. 

Parvati gripped Michele’s waist and turned them around, gently pressing Michele up against the wall and capturing her lips in a hungry kiss. Water splashed off Parvati’s back, soaking her hair as Michele tangled a hand in the dark locs, while the other came to rest on the small of her back.

Their bodies pressed together tightly, Parvati trailed open-mouthed kisses along Michele’s neck, sucking and biting and certainly leaving marks. The thought of waking up in the morning and finding her skin littered with hickeys shot heat straight to Michele’s center. She threw her head back against the wall, letting a soft moan escape her throat as Parvati’s hands came up to clutch her breasts.

“Fuck, Parv,” she whined as Parvati grazed a thumb over her nipple, continuing to kiss and suck at her collarbone before taking the hardened nub into her mouth. 

Parvati lavished Michele’s chest with attention, sucking and biting until the peaks were stiff and reddened. 

Michele could barely think as she watched Parvati get on her knees, trailing kisses up both of her thighs.

“Is this okay?” she asked, voice barely audible under the spray of water. 

“God, yes,” Michele whined, one hand slipping into Parvati’s hair.

Parvati’s mouth moved closer and closer to Michele’s center, and the first swipe of her tongue made Michele’s head thud against the shower wall. Parvati wasted no time, running her tongue along Michele’s slit, back and forth a few times before slipping inside. One of her hands reached up to spread Michele’s legs wider, hitching one up and letting her calf rest on Parvati’s shoulder. 

The angle pushed Parvati deeper, making Michele’s abdominals flutter as she rocked her hips into Parvati’s face. 

Parvati brought a hand up to toy with Michele’s clit, driving her closer and closer to the edge. 

Michele thanked God the cabin was isolated, because she couldn’t control the loud moans and  _ oh my God, yes, please don’t stop _ ’s that reverberated in the confines of the shower. 

Her pace never slowed, curling her tongue in just the right way before withdrawing and slipping two fingers inside, lips capturing Michele’s clit and sucking harshly.

“Fuck, Parv, I’m close,” she cried out, one hand clutching her breast while the other tugged on Parvati’s hair. 

“That’s it, baby,” Parvati cooed, curling her fingers and grazing her teeth over Michele’s clit, sending the younger woman barrelling head first into orgasm. She slowed her pace before finally stilling, standing back up.

Michele immediately connected their lips, the kiss a heated mash of teeth and tongue. She started to move to Parvati’s neck but the older woman backed up, reaching for the bottle of conditioner and gesturing for Michele to turn around.

She obliged, eyes fluttering shut when she felt Parvati’s hands in her hair, working the conditioner in and gently combing through the knots in Michele’s black locs. 

When the water started to run cold, Parvati coaxed Michele out of the shower and wrapped her in a towel before grabbing one for herself.

They dried off in comfortable silence, and Michele felt dizzy as she watched Parvati lower her suitcase to the floor and begin to unzip it.

“What are you doing?” 

Parvati looked up. “Getting us clothes to sleep in?”

Michele dropped her towel and laid back on the queen-size bed, summoning Parvati with a crooked finger. “We won’t be needing those.”

***

To her dismay, Michele woke up alone. After getting little sleep, too busy worshipping every inch of Parvati’s body, Michele rubbed at her sore eyes.

She wondered where Parvati had gone. They had fallen asleep together, limbs tangled up, but Parvati must have had the presence of mind to head back to her own cabin to avoid them getting caught together. For a brief moment, Michele wondered if Parvati had fled the scene due to regret. 

The cabin door swung open, and she jumped, heart racing until she realized who it was.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you,” Parvati said, stepping into the cabin and closing the door.

“You weren’t here when I woke up,” Michele replied with a frown and sat up, the bedsheet falling away. 

“The last thing we needed was for a producer to come knocking.” Parvati sat down on the edge of the bed.

Michele couldn’t help but lean forward to kiss the older woman, who sported a pair of black yoga pants and blue t-shirt. 

“Hurry up and get dressed, or you’ll miss breakfast,” Parvati said, smiling into the kiss. “I’ll meet you there?”

Michele nodded and admired the view as Parvati walked away. She reluctantly rolled out of bed and opened her suitcase, tugging on a pair of light-wash jeans and a yellow crop-top. Michele reveled in the feeling of clean clothes. 

She wasn’t planning on doing her makeup, but when Michele entered the bathroom to brush her teeth, she gasped. Dark hickeys covered the right side of her neck, trailing all the way down her chest and stomach. She suspected they were present on her legs as well. Michele got to work covering the marks with concealer, eventually deeming her work satisfactory. 

Michele left the cabin and walked up to the main building, where about half the cast sat around the table eating various breakfast foods. Michele approached the counter and ordered herself blueberry pancakes, a side of bacon and a country-style omelet. 

Michele sat down next to Parvati, who was in conversation with Rob and Amber across the table. She sat quietly and listened, smiling when she felt Parvati reach for her hand under the table. Michele’s food arrived not long after she ordered, and she reluctantly let go of Parvati’s hand so she could eat.

A producer entered Ponderosa and announced that everyone would need to be ready to leave for the airport by 3 o’clock. For the first time, it dawned on Michele that she would be going back to New Jersey, and Parvati would return to L.A.

Their lives were like night and day. Michele was working for a travel agency, spending half the year away from home, while Parvati was building a business and raising a child. 

Michele knew better than to think something bigger would come of their island romance. Still, she let herself dream about fancy dates and walks in the park hand-in-hand.

“Meesh?” Parvati said, snapping Michele out of her trance.

“Hm?”

“I asked if you wanted to help me pack my stuff up,” Parvati repeated herself.

“Oh, sure,” Michele replied with a smile, clearing her plates and following Parvati down the path to a cabin identical to Michele’s.

Parvati opened the door, revealing the mess of clothes on the floor and makeup products spanning the counter. 

Michele wondered how one person could make such a mess in only one day. Regardless, she helped fold clothes and handed them to Parvati, who placed them haphazardly into her suitcase.

They talked about nothing, laughing together until it was nearly time to leave. While Parvati was in the bathroom, Michele scribbled her phone number onto a piece of paper and slipped it into Parvati’s wallet. Michele said a quick goodbye and went to retrieve her own belongings, meeting the rest of the cast out front as several vans rolled in to pick them up. A producer handed out electronic devices, but Michele decided to wait until she reached her gate to turn on her phone. 

Michele and Parvati sat in the back of one van, Natalie stumbling into the middle seat between them. They spent the forty-minute drive playing I Spy, which Parvati seemed less than interested in, but Michele indulged the other New Jersey native. 

“What time is your flight?” Michele asked as she and Parvati entered the airport and filed into a check-in line. 

“Five-thirty,” Parvati replied. “You?”

“Uhm, I think it’s seven-fifteen.” Michele hated the thought of having to sit around after Parvati had already gone. 

They hustled through security, not wanting Parvati to miss her flight, and when they were through, Michele insisted on walking Parvati to her gate. 

Parvati sat down in a chair once they arrived, pulling Michele into her lap, making her giggle.

“God, I’m gonna miss you,” Parvati mumbled, hiding her face in Michele’s neck. 

“I’m gonna miss you too,” Michele replied.

Over the loudspeaker, a flight attendant called Parvati’s flight to begin boarding. Michele stood and held both her hands out, helping Parvati up and immediately falling into her arms. 

Parvati stroked her back soothingly, the way she had done on the island so many times. Michele thanked the Survivor Gods for bringing them together.

“I’ll see you soon, okay?” Parvati cupped Michele’s face and kissed her with fervor. “This isn’t a goodbye.”

Michele’s heart clenched in pain at the tears spilling out of Parvati’s eyes. “Just a ‘see you later.’”

Parvati nodded, letting her hands fall. “See you later, Meesh.”

“See you later, Parv.”

Parvati grabbed the handle of her suitcase and began walking towards the boarding line, and Michele watched as the flight attendant scanned her boarding pass. Just before walking into the tunnel connecting the plane to the gate, Parvati turned and blew Michele a kiss before disappearing down the corridor. 

Michele choked out a sob and immediately began the trek to her gate across the airport. As she stood on the moving walkway, Michele turned on her phone and saw a recent text from an unknown number. 

_ Forgot to say I love you. See you later.  _

Parvati had found her number.

Michele arrived at her gate, sat down and waited—for her plane, and for the chance to see Parvati again. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope you all liked this reimagining of parv and michele. it certainly won't be the last of my work with them, so feel free to subscribe to my user page or check the Survivor RPF tag every so often. 
> 
> follow me on twitter! @olivigay
> 
> with love,
> 
> olivia

**Author's Note:**

> stay tuned for part 2: the post-merge ;))
> 
> follow me on twitter @olivigay


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